May I Introduce You? The Etiquette of Introductions in 1885

Dear Gentle Reader,

What is your position in society? Is it higher or lower than mine? And what of your reputation? This is very important to know because  I might not want to be introduced to you. After all, Lady Constance Howard, author of Etiquette: What To Do, and How To Do It, is emphatic that I, being a female, should be careful with my introductions. She writes, “Those who are talked of in society, who are fast and immoral, should be carefully avoided, not from pride, but from a feeling that a woman’s good name is her greatest treasure, her crown of womanhood, and if she is known to associate with ‘any and all members of her own sex,’ her good name becomes tarnished, her fair fame is called in question, and irreparable mischief ensues.” Therefore, if you feel you are immoral or fast, perhaps we should avoid each other. Should we happen to be introduced by a host “without tact and knowledge of the world” we should follow Lady Constance Howard’s great advice and bow civilly for the sake of the host and then cut each other the very next time we meet.

I know, I know, perhaps you’re not a woman but a privileged nineteenth-century guy. All these rigid, girly rules don’t apply to you. You’re free to introduce yourself to whomever you please. After all, “gentlemen, as a rule, are always ready to make new friends and acquaintances; like butterflies, they like to flit from flower to flower among the pretty faces usually present at all social gatherings…” Well, Lady Constance Howard has some words of wisdom for you: “it is of no consequence to a gentleman in what society he makes his friends and acquaintances, although it is always a mistake for people to go out of their own set, and when gentlemen do, it is a decided mistake, often leading to life-long misery.”

Now that we know the importance of proper introductions, let us take proper heed of Lady Constance Howard’s wise counsel, as well as enjoy the art of Italian Impressionist Giuseppe De Nittis.

 

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Now we will proceed to the correct etiquette for ‘ introductions,’ which word signifies the act of’ presenting’ or ‘introducing’ people to each other, who are previously strangers to one another.

There are all sorts of introductions, premeditated and unpremeditated, ceremonious and informal. On no account should they ever be indiscriminately made; and the amount of tact and knowledge of the world and discretion required, among those who make the introductions, must necessarily be very considerable.

In making introductions, a previous knowledge should be obtained by those making them, as to whether those persons whom they propose to present to each other would be desirous of, or appreciative of, their good offices; or the reverse might be the case if they had expressed no such wish.

It would be a breach of etiquette, and extremely embarrassing, if, without first finding out their mutual wishes on the subject, a lady residing in the country, or in a cathedral town, or watering place, were to present two ladies to each other with whom she was acquainted, residing in the same town, but in different social positions, and consequently moving in opposite circles to each other, unless they had expressed a decided desire for such an introduction.

Without this express wish on the part of the ladies, the result of the presentation would be, a contemptuous disregard on the part of the lady to whom it was most disagreeable, and a prompt decision on her part to discontinue the acquaintance that offended her so much.

Therefore, indiscriminate introductions should never be made.

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If there is the smallest doubt as to the desirability of such an introduction, or how it would be received, it should never be indulged in; the awkwardness that must ensue would be indescribably painful to the lady making the introduction, and those introduced.

The correct etiquette is to consult the wishes of both persons before introducing them to each other, whether one person has expressed a wish for an introduction to another person, and has spoken of their desire to a mutual friend, or whether a hostess has an unpremeditated wish that two of her own friends should suddenly become acquainted through her good offices.

This only applies to persons of equal rank; it would be sufficient to ascertain the wishes of the lady of highest rank, where there is an inequality of social position. When their social standing is the same, the person about to make the introduction would ascertain the feeling of the person with whom she was on the most formal terms, for or against the presentation being made. In the same way, if A. expressed a desire to know B., there would only be B.’s pleasure to ascertain on the subject.

The proper form of introduction, according to the degree of intimacy existing between most people in society, would be for the person about to make the introduction, to say pleasantly,—

‘Mrs D., may I introduce Mrs L. to you?’ (being specially careful that Mrs L. did not hear her speech).

An answer having been received, we will say in the affirmative, the introduction would follow, remembering that it is always the lady of lowest rank who is introduced to the lady of highest standing, never is the lady of highest rank introduced to the lady of lowest; this is a very particular point of etiquette, and it must always be very carefully recollected and enforced, as the contrary presentation would be a grave solecism against all the rules of good society, and the remembrance of the strict observances of etiquette which all in a good social position are expected to render each other.

Thus, a hostess would say,—’ Mrs R.—the Duchess of B.,’ thereby speaking the name of the lady first who is lowest in rank, as she is the lady introduced to the lady of superior social position.

This is all that is necessary; it would be in bad taste to repeat the names reversed,—’ The Duchess of B.—Mrs R. Mrs R.—The Duchess of B.”

Once naming the names of those who are to be introduced to each other, is all that etiquette requires; more than this would be a breach of it, and, therefore, not to be indulged in.

Nittis_-_signora_napoletanaWhen the presentation is between two ladies— one married, the other unmarried—the unmarried lady should be introduced to the married lady, except when the married lady was of lower rank than the unmarried one, in which case the contrary would be the correct case.

When the presentation has been made, thus,— ‘Mrs R.—the Duchess of B.,’ the two ladies so introduced bow to each other, and make some little pleasant, civil speech, such as,—’Very happy to make your acquaintance,’ or, ‘I wanted so much to know you, I have heard so much of you,’ etc.

A bow is sufficient in most cases on being introduced to a stranger. Ladies do not generally shake hands at first, although it is quite etiquette for them to do so if either or both are willing.

If the lady of highest rank offers to shake hands with one in not so high a social position, it would show that she wished to be friendly, and would be very complimentary to the other lady. People who are ladies would always do so, particularly if the lady to be introduced to them seemed at all shy, as such a proceeding and mark of pleasure at making her acquaintance, and sign of friendship, would at once set the other lady at her case, and make everything much pleasanter for all concerned.

Any lady or gentleman introducing two strangers to each other, if they were already intimate friends of his or hers, would expect them to shake hands cordially, not give a stiff”, formal bow, and it would be perfectly consistent with etiquette (indeed a clear proof that they knew what society demanded of them) that they should do so.

It is a recognised privilege of ladies to be the first, indeed to take the initiative on being introduced, as far as shaking hands is concerned.

The lady of the house would, as a matter of course, shake hands with everyone introduced to her in her own house, whether the person introduced came with a mutual friend or by invitation, though previously unknown to the hostess, as certain people are always asked everywhere; they are on the list of every lady in society, and for them not to be present at any social gathering, would at once show that the hostess was not in the best society, the highest social position; their absence would be a fact at once known and reflected upon.

In the case where a visit is not made to the lady of the house, but to some friend or guest staying with her, it would not be necessary for her to shake hands with the visitor, unless she wished to do so, or had some special reason for wishing the visit so made to be the beginning of a friendly acquaintance with herself, and consequently the future entree to her house and parties; but in every case where the visit is made to the hostess, she would shake hands with her guest.

Where it is a question of engaged couples, the fact of persons being introduced to each other who are relations or intimate friends of the ‘fiancies’ would warrant their shaking hands on the introduction taking place; again, the relations on either side would shake hands when presented to each other, and the relations of the affianced on being introduced would shake hands with both bride and bridegroom elect.

When it is a question of ‘garden-parties,’ ‘five-o’clock teas,’ small ‘ At Homes, ‘ ‘afternoon concerts,’ etc., gentlemen would be introduced to ladies by the hostess, at least the principal guests would be so introduced, for the purpose of the gentlemen escorting the ladies to tea or supper, in the event of no other gentleman being present at the moment with whom they were already acquainted.

When any friends of their own were present, the ladies would naturally not be dependent upon the kind offices of the hostess in presenting gentlemen to them for the express purpose of showing them this imperative courtesy and mark of civility.

DeNittis16In cases where no gentlemen of their acquaintance are present, the hostess would introduce a gentleman to a lady without previously consulting her, as the fact of none of her friends being present would warrant such an introduction, and the gentleman, knowing why he was presented to any particular lady, would immediately ask the lady’s leave to take her to tea or supper.

A hostess at such assemblages would be entirely guided by her own tact and knowledge of the world in making general introductions, and where she thought an introduction to a gentlemen would be agreeable to any lady, she would proceed forthwith to introduce him to her, without in any way previously consulting her as to her wishes on the point.

The hostess would be specially careful in the matter of such introductions; young unmarried girls she would, if she thought it advisable, introduce to each other; it would only be when an introduction between two married ladies, or a married lady and an unmarried girl, or ladies of high social standing and rank, or great celebrities, that she would give them the option of an introduction, where she desired to make one between any two of her guests or friends.

The same at dinner parties; both ceremonious and informal ones.

General introductions are not necessary at dinner parties, although naturally, if previously unacquainted, a hostess would introduce to a lady the gentleman who was to take her down to dinner.

Such an introduction would be made during the quarter of an hour when guests are assembling before dinner is announced, and it would not be at all necessary for a hostess to ask the lady’s permission for such a presentation, as the fact of the gentleman being her escort to dinner, would be all sufficient to warrant the introduction being made, without any previous knowledge on the lady’s part of her hostess’s intentions with regard to her.

Of course the hostess would be certain beforehand that the gentleman so introduced was not in any way objectionable to the lady, and that, on the gentleman’s side, there was no disinclination to such an introduction to be feared.

Sometimes ladies are introduced to each other by the hostess when they have returned to the drawing-room after dinner, if she wished to do so, or had the chance of making such introductions in the twenty minutes or half-hour which elapses before the gentlemen leave the dining-room ; but nothing of the kind is necessary as far as the gentlemen are concerned, for whether they are previously acquainted or not, they would naturally fraternise after dinner over their wine and mutually interesting subjects of conversation; so that the host would make no introduction between his guests who were strangers to each other, the fact of their being present at his table being sufficient to warrant their addressing some pleasant remarks, and entering into conversation with each other, without committing any breach of etiquette.

When most of the guests at a dinner party are strangers to one another, etiquette permits the host and hostess to introduce the chief guests to each other, should they deem it well to do so; but in London it is seldom necessary to do this. There, most of the guests who meet have, at any rate, some slight acquaintance, which allows of their speaking to each other if they find themselves sitting or standing next to each other at a dinner party, or before dinner is announced ; in the country, such introductions are much more general and necessary, as there in all probability many of the guests have never even heard of each other’s existence, until they meet in the house of some mutual friend.

In ‘large parties,’ whether dinner or evening parties, nothing is so easy as for people who for some reason do not wish to speak to one another, or to be introduced to each other, to avoid such an introduction, or such a meeting. There is no solitude like that of a crowd, no place where it is so easy to have those whose acquaintance is pleasant to you, and to absolutely ignore the very existence of those who offend or are distasteful to you.

People may pass hours in the house of a mutual acquaintance, and never show by word or deed that they are conscious of each other’s presence.

In the case of a host or hostess without tact and knowledge of the world, such avoidance might be difficult ; he or she, all unknowingly, might present the two who wished to be strangers, to each other, in which case, good manners and etiquette would require that the two people so introduced should acknowledge the introduction by a slight bow, and take the earliest opportunity of engaging someone else in conversation, besides telling the host or hostess their reasons for so doing.

The bow thus exchanged would be simply given to avoid putting the host or hostess in a very awkward position, through their ignorance of their guests’ dislike to each other; and this civility to each other on the part of those so introduced, would only be meant as a courtesy to the host or hostess, and a dislike to be rude to them under their own roof on the part of their guests; also the two introduced would be at liberty to cut each other the very next time they met, both understanding perfectly why they had exchanged bows.

One rule is fixed as the law of ‘the Medes and Persians, which altereth not,’ namely, that ‘place aux dames’ is the order of the day with regard to introductions, and that absolutely regardless of the rank of a gentleman or that of a lady; whatever that may be, the gentleman is always introduced to the lady, never the lady to the gentleman.

Thus, ‘Lord A.—Mrs B.,’ not ‘Mrs B — Lord A.’

That would be a breach of etiquette too great for words to express.

Nittis_-_Intorno_al_paralumeWith regard to introducing gentlemen to each other, it is not as a rule necessary to do so. If they wish to make each other’s acquaintance, supposing some very particular reason exists why they should do so, or there is some powerful reason which would commend itself to the person making the presentation, or else to the person whose acquaintance was desired, the gentlemen may ask their host or hostess for such an introduction, without risk of their wish being refused, or their acquaintance declined ; but when no such reason exists, the gentlemen, as a rule, are content to talk to the gentlemen they already know, without seeking to extend the circle of their friends and acquaintances.

This only applies to general society; of course, where it is the question of an introduction to some celebrated man, where it is possible to obtain such an introduction, all gentlemen would naturally seek it, and consider themselves honoured by the introduction.

With regard to their introduction to ladies, gentlemen, as a rule, are always ready to make new friends and acquaintances; like butterflies, they like to flit from flower to flower among the pretty faces usually present at all social gatherings; they seldom if ever avoid, but always seek, the acquaintance of ladies, no matter in what society they may meet them; gentlemen are supposed to be chivalrous and gallant enough, even in the nineteenth century, to still wish for ladies’ society.

Of course a gentleman can be, and ought to be, polite to all his acquaintances in every circle, and if he has tact, he can be civil and courteous to all ladies, without offending the prejudices of those in a higher or lower social position ; it is of no consequence to a gentleman in what society he makes his friends and acquaintances, although it is always a mistake for people to go out of their own set, and when gentlemen do, it is a decided mistake, often leading to life-long misery.

When it is a question of one of his own sex, a gentleman is usually just as exclusive in the matter of whom he does or does not know, as a lady would be in choosing her friends, and in the matter of allowing strangers to be presented to her.

Mutual tastes, mutual sympathy, mutual friends form, as a rule, the groundwork of friendship and acquaintances between gentlemen ; of course there are exceptions to this, as to all other rules, no hard and fast line can be set down,’circumstances alter cases.’

When a gentleman is spoken of as ‘ Do you know M.? he is such a good fellow, one of the most charming men I know,’ and when all concur in a unanimous verdict as to his popularity, then you may be sure that all men will wish to make his acquaintance, likewise all the ladies; and when the fiat as to his excellence is pronounced by gentlemen, then people may be quite safe, as a man well spoken of by his fellow-men, is always one whose friendship and acquaintance is an honour and a pleasure; men have innumerable chances of judging other men’s characters, which ladies cannot possibly have, therefore a man’s opinion is the one to be guided by always.

A mutual acquaintance or friend may be asked by a gentleman for an introduction to a lady; it is quite in accordance with etiquette that he should do so; and when a gentleman wishes to make the acquaintance of any particular lady, it is the accepted rule that he should do so always.

As far as ball-room introductions are concerned, it is decidedly best to consult a gentleman, previously to introducing him to any lady, as to whether he wishes to be introduced to a lady or not. The hostess would say, ‘Would you like to be introduced to Miss C.?’ or some other civil speech which would have the effect of ascertaining the gentleman’s wishes on that point.

The reason for this is obvious, namely, at a ball a gentleman is usually introduced to a lady for the express purpose of requesting her to give him the pleasure of a dance, or take her to supper: a ball-room introduction means this.

Supposing the gentleman so introduced did not know how to dance, or did not wish to dance, if his wishes were not known to his hostess beforehand, the lady to whom he was introduced would feel extremely mortified at his apparent neglect of the express purpose for which he was presented to her, and the introduction, so far from availing anything in bringing about an agreeable friendship or acquaintanceship between the two thus introduced, would only prove a source of annoyance and awkwardness to both, which might easily have been avoided.

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When a lady does not wish to dance, it is not necessary to ask her if an introduction to any gentleman will be agreeable to her, the introduction would be undertaken as a matter of course, and as a looked-for and expected civility.

Ladies cannot be too particular as to the acquaintances they make, especially where members of their own sex are concerned. A lady should have too much consideration for her own character and good name, her social position, and her duty to society, to be seen with doubtful friends and acquaintances. Those who are talked of in society, who are fast and immoral, should be carefully avoided, not from pride, but from a feeling that a woman’s good name is her greatest treasure, her crown of womanhood, and if she is known to associate with ‘any and all members of her own sex,’ her good name becomes tarnished, her fair fame is called in question, and irreparable mischief ensues.

In ‘country houses,’ the principal guests, if previously unacquainted, would be introduced to each other by the hostess or host on the afternoon of their arrival, especially in the case of the ladies of highest rank. Such introductions would be made as the hostess deemed expedient; and where very large numbers of people were congregated, general introductions would be very fatiguing, quite unnecessary, and not required by strict etiquette.

Being under the same roof in a country house, except in the cases before named, is introduction enough; the fact of ladies and gentlemen so finding themselves, is really an act of presentation, although this fact does not oblige the guests to become great friends or acquaintances, it remains with the people so introduced to be friends or not in the future, though many intimate friendships are the result of meetings in country houses.

The same at ‘Afternoon Teas ‘ and ‘At Homes.’

People would converse generally, if they liked, and it would be no breach of etiquette on their part that they should do so.

Although ladies might converse with other ladies, gentlemen with gentlemen, and ladies with gentlemen, this civility would not constitute an acquaintanceship afterwards, beyond the act of a bow when they meet again, if they desired it; not that, if it were unpleasant to either or both of them.

If they so wished it, any gentleman and lady conversing under these circumstances, might bow when they next met, or two gentlemen might so form an acquaintance.

On leaving, if a lady and gentleman had been holding a long conversation in the house of a mutual friend or acquaintance, or he had shewn her any very marked civility, he would bow to her. In the case of two ladies who had been exchanging polite remarks at a ‘tea,’ it is optional whether they bow or not, but good manners should prompt them to do so. Should they be of different social positions, the lady of highest rank would, of course, take the initiative, and bow to the other lady when their conversation ended or she left the room.

If several people make a morning call at the same time, the hostess would be civil to each in turn, making some pleasant remark. She would not allow the conversation to become too general, except when all the guests were acquainted with each other.

No introduction should be made by a hostess unless she was quite sure that such an introduction would be agreeable to both, and in every way one to be desired. If a hostess knew that two people did not wish to make each other’s acquaintance, she would most carefully avoid such an introduction, even in the case when one lady only was averse to its being made.

When no such dislike exists, and their social positions warrant it, a hostess would at once introduce the guests to each other.

If a lady and gentleman who were strangers to each other met on the landing outside a drawing-room door, he would make her a bow, which courtesy she would acknowledge by one also; and he would step aside, so as to allow her to enter the room first.

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Posted in Etiquette Through Time, Victorian England - General History | 2 Comments

Cost of Living in 1823

The following lists of incomes and expenditures can be found in A New System of Practical Domestic Economy, published in London in 1823. The book contains more estimates than the ones below. I removed the estimates that I felt were redundant thus upsetting the numbering sequences. Sorry.

The estimates increase per annum income.   The final list is for an income of 5,000 pounds per year. That was about Mr. Bingley’s income in Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Bennet’s was 2,000 pounds.

Enjoy!

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“Respecting Bread, which is the principal‘article of consumption in families of the middle classes, we have founded our calculation on the present price of sound household bread in London—namely, from seven farthings to two pence farthing per pound: but this is more than the average price in the country. There, too, barley, rye, or oaten bread, is generally eaten in such families, many of whom, also, bake their own bread, which is a considerable saving; so that our Estimates may be too high for the country, which, however, is an error on the right side. But respecting this and other articles of food, we have made it a point to be as correct, and as generally applicable, as it is possible to be.

As to the quantity of bread stated, we consider it as fully sufficient The two adults cannot eat more than six pounds each, per week, and we consider the three children as consuming as much as their parents—that is, six pounds more; but should ‘ not this, in any case, be enough, as the income will not afford more, recourse must be had to potatoes, rice, oatmeal, and other wholesome and nutritive articles of food for the children, which will save bread, and should be constantly given to them, as proper and economical substitutes for this and other expensive articles of diet.

It is better to buy large loaves than small ones ; and the loaf should not be out till it is one day old.

The quantity of butcher’s meat given here is very low, and it is necessarily so; but at all places on or near the sea-coast, fish may be bought at a cheap rate, to supply its place. Even in London, very frequently, mackerel, herrings, cod, flounders, and other kinds of fish, may be had cheaper than butcher’s meat. The price of good beef and mutton is now, from five pence to seven pence per pound, for common joints,—the average is about six pence; inferior parts cheaper.”

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“The prudent housewife will readily learn to substitute articles of comparatively less prices for those of greater expense, which, notwithstanding, will be no less wholesome and nourishing, especially for children. Thus, potatoes, rice, Ste. as already observed, will save bread. Treacle is a good substitute for butter, or sugar, for children, and milk and water instead of tea or beer. Oatmeal-gruel, or the different kinds of porridge, make a good breakfast for them; and Scotch barley, stewed in the liquor of boiled meat, will, occasionally, make them an excellent meal. Fish may, sometimes, advantageously supply the place of butcher’s meat. Potatoes are the cheapest and best of all vegetables that can be eaten in a numerous family. Peat, turf, coke, or wood, in local situations, will save coals. Oil saves candles; and so of many other articles, that will readily be suggested to the mind of an economical manager.”

“It is evident that though the wages of an assistant or journeyman-tradesman be nominally 5s, 6d. a day or 33s. a week..”

“A Clerk or other person, with such a family, having an income of eighty guineas a year, by acquiring an habit of living regularly, might live comfortably.”


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“He possesses a permanent income of 125l. a year; and he rents a neat little house, of six rooms, in the vicinity of London, the rent of which, with the taxes, &c. cost him about 33l. 10s. a year; out of which he receives 20l. a year for the first floor, and the occasional use of the kitchen; he consequently, stands at about 13l. 10s. a year, or 5s. 3d. a week, for rent. His wife, knowing that a small income will not admit of irregularity or inadvertency, purchases all the unperishable articles of necessary consumption, in quantities, at wholesale prices, and as she knows how long they ought to last, she manages them accordingly. Candles and soap are laid in, for the year, in the summer time, when cheapest; and these articles, when kept in a. dry place, become hard, fitter for use, and go farther. By getting a neighbour to join in the purchase of coals, they lay in their year’s stock, consisting of a room, or five chaldrons, about August, when they are cheapest; and thus they get the ingrain, or three sacks over, upon that quantity. Half a ton of potatoes laid in in October, and kept in a dry place, properly secured from the frost, serve the family till potatoes come next year. Traces of onions are bought in October, and hung up in a dry place to serve the winter. A firkin of good table-beer, at 6s. serves the family, as their beverage at meals, for about a month, besides which the parents occasionally drink porter. All the lesser branches of domestic arrangement are managed with the same steady view to regularity and economy; and thus they live happily, and are much respected.”

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Posted in Domestic History | 1 Comment

Victorian Wedding Etiquette in 1852

I probably shouldn’t share this excerpt from The Etiquette of Courtship and Matrimony: with a Complete Guide to the Forms of a Wedding, published in 1852. I should hoard the information to help me write my great comic farce masterpiece that will be titled The Marriage of Inconvenience and Vexation.

But I shall be generous with the information and post it here with images from Le Conseiller Des Dames Et Des Demoiselles. Enjoy!

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THE ETIQUETTE OF THE WEDDING.

FIXING THE DAY, AND ITS CONSEQUENCES.

WHEN the course of true love has run smooth for a brief or a long period, as the circumstances of the case may require, the fulness of time will arrive for “FIXING THE DAY.” It is the gentleman’s province to press his suit for the earliest possible opportunity, but it is the lady’s express privilege to fix the exact day. Strange as it may seem, it is necessary for the gentleman to act deliberately on this occasion—having first considered where it will be convenient to spend the honeymoon—inasmuch as this will depend on the season of the wedding. No one would spend a winter-honeymoon in the country, or make a summer bridal-excursion to Paris.

SETTLEMENTS.

THESE are matters that must be attended to where there is property on either side; and it behoves the intending bridegroom to take care there is no delay. An attorney may be hurried at the last moment, and Heaven have pity on the poor clerks who have to engross the deeds ; but the counsel on both sides have no care for either party, and read over a marriage-settlement with as much deliberation, and make as many perplexing objections, as if it were the lease of a house in Crutched Friars, or as if the Hon. Charles John Mountjoy Elphinstone Stuart were making, upon parchment, a perpetual declaration of war against the person and interests, in futuro and in perpetuum, of the Lady Valentine De Courcy Montrevor. An occasional morning call in the square of Lincoln’s Inn, at this period, is recommended as a necessary, though disagreeable variety with the evening visit in that of Belgravia. On the business part of this matter, it is not the privilege of our work to dilate, but we may be permitted to suggest that two-thirds of the lady’s property should invariably be settled on herself; and that where the bridegroom has no property wherewith to endow his wife, beyond his professional prospects, it should be made a sine qua non that he should insure his life in her favour previous to marriage.

HOW TO BE MARRIED.

BY this time the gentleman will have made up his mind in what particular method he will be married—a matter, however, which is generally settled for him by his position in life, or his means. He has, indeed, his choice, to a certain extent, of marriage by banns, by licence, by special licence, or before the Registrar; but woe betide the unlucky wight who proposes the last method, either to a young lady or her parents : let him be careful to do so on the ground-floor.

MARRIAGE BY BANNS.

FOR this purpose, notice must be given to the clerk of the parish, or of the district church. The names of the two parties must be written down in full, with their conditions, and the parishes in which they reside—as, “Between Nicholas Rowe, of the parish of St. Ann‘s, bachelor (or widower, as the case may be), and Mary Bone, of the parish of St. Ann’s, spinster (or widow, as the case may be).” No mention of the lady or gentleman’s age is required. Where the lady and gentleman are of different parishes, the banns must be published in each, and a certificate of their publication in the one furnished to the clergyman who may marry the parties in the church of the other parish.

It seems singular, though it is the fact, that no evidence of consent by either party is necessary to this “putting up of the banns,” as it is denominated ; indeed the publication of the banns is not unfrequently the first rural declaration of attachment, so that the blushing village maiden sometimes finds herself announced as a bride in posse, before she has received any declaration in case. A slighted swain in Leicestershire lately put himself up three times, until he found, in the last, a spinster who would not “forbid the banns” ! The clerk receives his fee of two shillings, and makes no further inquiries—may, more, is prepared, if required, to provide the necessary fathers on each side, in the respectable persons of himself and the sexton,-—the venerable pew-opener being also ready, on her part, to perpetrate the duties of a bridesmaid. It is curious to observe, that so delicate are parish clerks in sparing the blushing sensitiveness of the timid votaries of Hymen, that their door is always opened by a young maiden, ‘who, at a glance, relieves all fears by saying, “You want to put up the banns?”

The banns must be publicly read on three Sundays in the church, after which, on the Monday following, if they so choose, the happy pair may be “made one.” It is usual to give a notice of one day previous to the clerk, but this is not legally necessary, —-it being the care of the Church, as well as the province of the Law, to throw as few impediments as possible in the way of marriage, of which the one main fact of a consent to live together, declared publicly before relatives, friends, and neighbours, assembled together (and afterwards, as it were by legal deduction, before witnesses), is the sole, whole, essential, and constituent element. Marriage by banns, except in the country districts, is usually confined to the humbler classes of society. This is to be regretted, inasmuch as it is a more deliberate and solemn declaration, and leaves the ceremony less open to suddenness, contrivance, or fraud. A marriage by banns, it is understood, can never be set aside by the after discovery of deception or concealment (as of residence, or even names) on either side. The fees of a marriage by banns vary from eleven shillings and sixpence to thirteen shillings and sixpence and fifteen shillings and sixpence, according to the parish or district where the marriage may take place.

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HOURS IN WHICH MARRIAGES MAY BE CELEBRATED.

ALL marriages at church must be celebrated within canonical hours—that is, between the hours of eight and twelve, except in the case of special licence, when the marriage may be celebrated at any hour, or at any “meet and proper place.”

MARRIAGE BY SPECIAL LICENCE.

BY the Statute of 23 Hen. VIII., the Archbishop of Canterbury has power to grant Special Licences; but in a certain sense these are limited. His Grace restricts his authority to Peers and Peeresses in their own right, to their sons and daughters, to Dowager Peeresses, to Privy Councillors, to Judges of the Courts at Westminster, to Baronets and Knights, and to Members of Parliament ; and by an order of a former Prelate, to no other person is a special licence to be given, unless they allege very strong and weighty reasons for such indulgence, arising from particular circumstances of the case, and they must prove the truth of the same to the satisfaction of the Archbishop.

The application for a special licence is to be made to his Grace through the proctor of the parties, who, having first ascertained names and particulars, will wait upon his Grace for his fiat.

In the case where the parties applying do not rank within the restricted indulgences, a personal interview should be sought, or a letter of introduction to his Grace should be obtained, containing the reasons for wishing the favour granted. Should his Grace grant his fiat, in either case the gentleman attends his proctor to make the usual affidavit, that there is no impediment to the marriage—the same as in an ordinary licence. The terms of a special licence run thus :—

JOHN Bran, by Divine Providence Archbishop of Canterbury, Primate of all England, and Metropolitan, by an Act of Parliament lawfully empowered. To our well-beloved in Christ, A B, of the parish of        , a bachelor, and C D, of the parish of                 , a spinster, Health.—

WHEREAS it is alleged ye have purposed to proceed to the solemnization of a true, pure, and lawful matrimony (if either minors, by and with the consent of &c.), earnestly desiring the same to be solemnized with all the speed that may be; that such your reasonable desires may the more readily take due effect, we, for certain causes us hereunto especially moving, do, so far as in us lies, and the laws of this realm allow, by these presents graciously give and grant our LICENCE AND FACULTY, as well to you the parties contracting, as to all Christian people willing to be present at the solemnization of the said marriage, to celebrate and solemnize such marriage between you the said contracting parties, at any time, and in any church or chapel, or other meet and convenient place, by any Bishop of this realm, or by the Rector, Vicar, Curate, or Chaplain of such church or chapel, or by any other Minister in Holy Orders of the Church of England, provided there be no lawful let or impediment to hinder the said marriage. Given under the seal of our Office of Faculties at Doctors’ Commons, &c.,
day of , 1851

The expense of a special licence is about twenty-eight or thirty guineas—whereas that of an ordinary licence is but two guineas and a half; or three guineas where the gentleman or lady are minors.

MARRIAGE BY LICENCE.

AN ordinary Marriage Licence is to be obtained at the Faculty Registry, or Vicar-General’s Office, or Diocesan Registry Office of the Archbishops or Bishops, either in the country, or at Doctors’ Commons, or by applying to a proctor. A licence from Doctors’ Commons, unlike others, however, is available throughout the whole of England.

As a saving of trouble and expense may be an object, a hint upon this point, as given by Mr. Charles Dickens, in one of his publications, may be perhaps useful to persons attending Doctors’ Commons, and at the same time guard them against the annoyances and impositions of touters in that neighbourhood.

In the “Pickwick Papers,” ..  Mr. Dickens gives the following dialogue between Mr. Pickwick and Sam Weller: — “ Do you know Doctors’ Commons, Sam ?” “Yes, Sir.” “Where is it?” “Paul’s Church Yard, Sir: low archway on the carriage side, bookseller’s at one corner, hotel on the other, and two porters in the middle as touts for licences.”—““Touts for licences?” said the gentleman. “Touts for licences,” replied Sam; “two coves in white aprons—touches their hats ven you walk in—‘ Licence, Sin—Licence ’ Queer sort them, and their mas’rs, too, Sir—Old Bailey proctors, and no mustake.” “ What do they do?” inquired the gentleman. “Do you, Sir!” * * *

It will be sufficient for our purpose to relate, that, escaping the snares of the dragons in white aprons, who guard the entrance to that enchanted region, he reached the Vicar-General’s Office in Bell Yard, Doctors’ Commons, in safety, and having procured a highly flattering address on parchment—from the Archbishop of Canterbury, to his “ trusty and well-beloved Alfred Jingle and Rachael Wardle greeting”—he carefully deposited the mystic document in his pocket, and retraced his steps in triumph to the Borough.”

The gentleman or lady (as either may attend), before applying for an ordinary marriage licence, should ascertain in what parish or district they both are residing—the church of such parish or district being the church in which the marriage should be celebrated; and either the gentleman or lady must have had his or her usual abode therein, fifteen days before application is made for the licence, as the following form, to be made on oath, sets forth :—

doc

 

This affidavit having been completed, the licence is then made out. It runs thus :—

JOHN BIRD, by Divine Providence, Archbishop of Canterbury, Primate of all England, and Metropolitan. To our well-beloved in Christ,

Grace and Health—WHEREAS ye are, as it is alleged, resolved to proceed to the solemnization of true and lawful matrimony, and that you greatly desire that the same may be solemnized in the face of the Church: We being willing that these your honest desires may the more speedily obtain a due effect, and to the end therefore that this marriage may be publicly and lawfully solemnized in the church of by the Rector, Vicar, or Curate thereof, without the publication or proclamation of the bans of matrimony, provided there shall appear no impediment of kindred or alliance, or of any other lawful cause, nor any suit commenced in any Ecclesiastical Court, to bar or hinder the proceeding of the said matrimony, according to the tenor of this licence: And likewise, That the celebration of this marriage be had and done publicly in           , the aforesaid church           , between the hours of eight and twelve in the forenoon. We, for lawful causes, graciously grant this our LICENCE AND FACULTY, as well to you the parties contracting, as to the Rector, Vicar, Curate, or Minister, of         , the aforesaid ,         who is designed to solemnize the marriage between you, in the manner and form above specified, according to the rites of the Book of Common Prayer, set forth for that purpose, by the authority of Parliament. Given under the seal of our VICAR- GENERAL, this                day of              , in the Year of Our Lord one thousand eight hundred and fifty-one, and in the fourth year of our translation.

The licence remains in force for three months only; and the copy received by the person applying for it is left in the hands of the clergyman who marries the parties, it being his authority for so doing. In case either party is a minor, the age must be stated, and the consent of the parents or guardians authorized to give such consent, must be sworn to by the gentleman or lady applying for the licence. The following are the persons having legal authority to give their consent in case of minority:—lst, the father; if dead—2nd, the guardians, if any appointed by his will; if none—3rd, the mother, if unmarried; if dead or married —4th, the guardians appointed by Chancery. If none of the foregoing persons exist, then the marriage may be legally solemnized, without any consent whatever. The following are the official forms for this purpose :—

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CONSENTS IN CASE OF MINORS.
Consent of Father.

By and with the consent of A B, the natural and lawful father of B B, the minor aforesaid.

Guardian Testamentary.

By and with the consent of A B, the guardian of the person of the said C D, the minor aforesaid, lawfully appointed in and by the last will and testament of D D, deceased, his [or her] natural and lawful father.

Mother.

By and with the consent of A B, the natural and lawful mother of B B, the minor aforesaid, his [or her] father being dead, and he [or she] having no guardian of his [or her] person lawfully appointed. and his [or her] said mother being unmarried.

Guardian appointed by the Court of Chancery.

By and with the consent of A .B, the guardian of the person of the said C D, appointed by the High Court of Chancery, and having authority to consent to his [or her] marriage, his [or her] father being dead, and he [or she] having no guardian of his [or her] person, otherwise lawfully appointed, or mother living and unmarried.

No Father, Testamentary Guardian, Mother, or Guardian appointed by the Court of Chancery.

That he [or she] the said A B, hath no father living, or guardian of his [or her] person, lawfully appointed, or mother living and unmarried, or guardian of his [or her] person appointed by the High Court of Chancery, and having authority to consent to the aforesaid marriage.

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The previous remarks have reference only to licences for marriages about to be solemnized according to the laws of the Church of England.

MARRIAGE OF ROMAN—CATHOLICS OR  DISSENTERS BY LICENCE.

BY the Statute 6 and 7 William IV., 17 Aug. 1836, Roman-catholics and Dissenters who may wish to be married in a church or chapel belonging to their own denomination, can obtain a licence for that purpose from the Superintendent Registrar of the district in which one of the parties reside, after giving notice thereof a week previous to the same officer: the expense of the licence is 3l. 12s. 6d.

MARRIAGE BEFORE THE REGISTRAR.

SHOULD the parties wish to avoid the expense of a licence, they can do so by giving three weeks’ notice to the same officcer,—which notice is affixed in his office, and read before the proper officers when assembled,——at the expiration of that time, then the marriage may be solemnized in any place which is licensed, within their district. The Registrar of Marriages of such district must have notice of, and attend every such marriage. The fee due to the Registrar of Marriages for attending the ceremony, and registering the marriage (by licence) is 10s., and for certificate 2s. 6d,; and without a licence 5.s., and certificate 2s. 6d.

Marriages also by the above-mentioned Act of Parliament, may, upon due notice, be celebrated in the office of the Superintendent Registrar, with or without licence—or with or without any religious ceremony; but the following declarations which are prescribed by the Act must be made at all marriages, in some part of the ceremony, either religious or otherwise, in the presence of the Registrar and two witnesses—viz., “I do solemnly declare, that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, A B, may not be joined in matrimony to C D ;” and each of the parties shall also say to each other—“ I call upon these persons here present, to witness that I, A B, do take thee, C D, to be my lawful wedded wife”-(or husband.)

It is highly to the credit of the Christian people of this country, and an eminent proof of their deep religious feeling—that all classes of the community whatsoever have virtually repudiated these “Marriages by Act of Parliament ;” nor would we advise any fair maiden who has a regard to the comfort and respect of her after-connubial life, to “ show her spirit,” by being married in the Registrar’s back-parlour, after due proclamation by the Overseers and Poor-Law Guardians.

THE BRIDAL TROUSSEAU, AND THE WEDDING PRESENTS.

THE day being fixed for the wedding, the bride’s father now presents her with a sum of money for her trousseau, according to her rank in life. A few days previous to the wedding, the wedding presents are also made by relations and intimate friends, varying in amount and value according to their degrees of relationship and friendship—such as plate, furniture, jewellery, and articles of ornament, as well as of utility to the newly-married lady in her future station.

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DUTY OF AN INTENDED BRIDEGROOM.

THE bridegroom, now, at last, must come out of the bright halo of his happiness, into the cold, grey, actual daylight of the world of business. He must look after the house which he intends for his future home. He must, also, if engaged in business avocations, make arrangements for a month’s absence ; in fact, bring together all matters into a focus, so as to be immediately and readily manageable when he becomes once more grave enough to take the reins himself. He must also burn all his bachelor letters, and part with, it may be, some few of his bachelor connexions,—bid a long farewell to all bachelor friends, and generally communicate, as it were en passant, to all his acquaintances, the close approach of so important a change in his condition. Not to do this might hereafter lead to inconvenience. Many an illustration, both humorous and painful, of the dilemmas of the bachelor-husband, presses upon our pen; but the mere suggestion will waken up in the minds of our married readers—if such there be—many a strange scene of the comedy of life. We must, however, proceed to matters of more immediate interest, for we are now in the very whirl and vortex of a wedding.

BUYING THE RING, AND ITS CONSEQUENCES.

IT is the gentleman’s business to buy the ring—and he must be sure not to forget it. Such things have happened. The ring should be, we need not say, of the very purest gold, but very thick—a  return to the old fashion of the common people. There are three reasons for this ; first, that it may not break— a source of great trouble to the young wife ; secondly, that it may not slip off the finger without being missed—few husbands being pleased to hear that their wives have lost their wedding rings; and thirdly, that it may last out the life-time of the loving recipient, even should that life be protracted to the extreme extent. To get at the right size required, is a pretty part of the delicate mysteries of young love ; but should the youth be too modest, or accident have intervened, a not unusual method is to get a sister of your fair one to lend you one of the lady’s rings. By this, the jeweller will select the proper size. Take care it be not too large. Some audacious individuals, rendered hold by their favoured position, have been even known presumptuously to try the ring on the patient finger of the much enduring fair one; and, curiously enough, it has never yet happened that the ring has been refused, or sent back to be changed. We remember a singular coincidence in an Irish young gentleman of fashion, who was so easily pleased, as never to return a new coat to his tailor to be altered, for fear it should not come back again.

Having bought the ring—which he will receive wrapt up in a piece of silver paper—the young lover must now put it into the left-hand corner of his right-hand waistcoat-pocket (there is a reason for this direction), and never part with it until he takes it out in the church, during the wedding ceremony, except on an occasion to be shortly mentioned, when he must entrust it to the keeping of the bridesmaid.

In ancient days it appears, by the “ Salisbury Manual,” that there was a form of “ Blessing the Wedding Ring,” previous to the wedding day ; and in those times the priest, previous to the ring being put on, always made careful inquiry whether it had been duly blessed? It would seem to be the wish of certain clergymen, who have of late brought back into use many ceremonial Observances that had fallen into desuetude, to revive this ancient  custom.

WHO IS TO BE ASKED TO THE WEDDING.

THE wedding should take place at the house of the bride’s parents or guardians. The parties who must be asked, are the father and mother of the gentleman, the brothers and sisters (their wives and husbands also, if married), and the immediate relations and favoured friends of both parties. Old family friends on the bride’s side should also receive invitations,—the rationale, or original intention of this wedding assemblage, being to give publicity to the fact, that the bride is leaving her paternal home with the consent and approbation of her parents.

On this occasion, the bridegroom has the privilege of asking any friends he may choose to the wedding, but no friend has a right to feel affronted at not being invited, since, were all the friends on either side assembled, the wedding breakfast would be a crowded reception, rather than an impressive ceremonial. It is, however, considered a matter of friendly attention in those who cannot be invited, to be present at the ceremony in the church.

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WHO SHOULD BE BRIDESMAIDS.

THE bridesmaids are usually the unmarried sisters of the bride; but it is an anomaly for an elder sister to perform this function. The pleasing novelty in late years, of an addition to the number of bridesmaids,—varying from two to eight and sometimes sixteen,——has added greatly to the interest of weddings, the bride being thus enabled to diffuse a portion of her own happiness amongst the intimate friends of her young heart’s choosing. One lady is always appointed principal bridesmaid, and has the bride in her charge ; it is also her duty to take care that the other bridesmaids have the wedding favours in readiness. On the second bridesmaid devolves, with her principal, the duty of sending out the cards; and on the third bridesmaid, in conjunction with the remaining beauties of her choir, the onerous office of attending to certain ministrations and mysteries connected with the wedding cake.

OF THE BRIDEGROOMSMEN.

It behoves a bridegroom to be exceedingly particular in the selection of the friends who, as his bridegroomsmen, are to be his companions and assistants throughout his wedding day. Their number is limited to that of the bridesmaids, one for each. It is unnecessary to say that very much of the pleasure of the day, except to the two parties mainly concerned, will depend on their proper mating. Young and unmarried they must be, handsome they should be, good humoured they cannot fail to be, and well dressed they ought to be. Let the bridegroom diligently examine his store of friends, and select the “prettiest” and the pleasantest fellows for his own train. The principal bridegroomsman has, for the day, a special charge of the bridegroom, and the last warning we would give him is, to take care that, when the bridegroom puts on his wedding waistcoat, he does not omit to take the wedding-ring out of the pocket of the one which he donned on the previous night, and to put it into the left-hand corner of the right-hand pocket. The dress of a bridegroomsman should be light and elegant; a dress coat should be worn.

THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING.

THE bride now sends white gloves, wrapped in white paper and tied with white ribbon, to each of the bridesmaids.

The bridegroom does the same to each of the bridegroomsmen.

One portion of wedding cake is cut into small oblong pieces, and passed by the bridesmaids through the wedding ring, which is delivered into their charge for this purpose. The pieces of cake are afterwards put up in ornamental paper, generally pink or white enamelled, and tied with bows of silvered paper.

The bridegroomsman on this day takes care that due notice has been sent to the clerk of the parish where the ceremony is to take place, so that the church may be got ready, and the clergyman be in attendance.

The bridegroomsman should also now make arrangements for the bells being rung after the ceremony, the sentiment of this being that it is the husband that must call on all the neighbours to rejoice with him on his receiving his wife, and not the lady’s father on her going from his house.

The bridegroom furnishes to the bridesmaids his list for “The Cards” to he sent to his friends; of which hereafter.

On the evening of this day the wedding breakfast should be ornamented and spread out, as far as possible, in the principal apartment.

The bridesmaids on this evening also prepare the wedding favours, which are put up in a box ready to be conveyed to the church in the morning.M15

THE WEDDING MORNING.

THE parties being assembled in the parlour of the mansion (the wedding breakfast being usually spread in the drawing-room), the happy cortége should proceed to the church as follows :—

In the first carriage, the principal bridesmaid and bridegroomsman.

In the second carriage, the second bridesmaid and the bridegroom‘s mother.

Other carriages with bridesmaids and friends, the carriages of the bridesmaids taking precedence. In the last carriage the bride and her father.

HOW THE BRIDE SHOULD BE DRESSED.

A BRIDE’S costume should be white, or as close as possible to it. Fawn colour, grey, and lavender are entirely out of fashion. It is considered more stylish to go without a bonnet, wearing a wreath of orange blossoms and a Chantilly veil. This, however, is entirely a matter of taste, but whether or not wearing a bonnet, the bride must always wear a veil.

HOW THE BRIDEGROOM SHOULD BE DRESSED.

IT is no longer in good taste for a gentleman to be married in a black coat ; a blue coat, light grey trousers, white satin or silk waistcoat, ornamental tie, and white (not primrose-coloured) gloves, form the usual costume of a bridegroom according to present usage.

HOW THE BRIDESMAIDS SHOULD BE DRESSED.

THE bridesmaids dress generally in pairs, each two alike, but sometimes all wear a similar costume. Pink and light blue, with white pardessus or mantelets, or white, with pink or blue, are admissible colours. The bonnets, of course, must be white, in which marabout feathers may be worn. The whole costume of a bridesmaid should have a very light effect, and the tout ensemble of this fair bevy should be constituted in style and colour so as to look well by the side of and about the bride. It should be as the depth of colouring in the background of a sun-lit picture, helping to throw into the foreground the dress of the bride, and make her prominent, as the principal person in the tableau.

AT THE CHURCH.

THE bridegroom receives the bride in the vestry, where he must take care to have arrived some time previously to the hour appointed.

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THE PROCESSION TO THE ALTAR.

THE father of the bride generally advances with her from the vestry to the altar, followed immediately by the bridesmaids. The father of the bridegroom, if present, gives his arm to the bride’s mother if she be present, as is now usual at fashionable weddings, and goes next to the bridesmaids. The friends who have come with the wedding party proceed next in succession.

The bridegroom with his bridegroomsmen are in readiness to meet the bride at the altar, the bridegroom standing at the left hand of the clergyman, in the centre before the altar rails.

In some cases we have seen the bridegroom offer the bride his left arm to lead her to the altar, but this is incorrect. In this case, the whole order of the procession to the altar becomes inverted, and is arranged as follows :—

The father, and the mother of the bride, if present, or if she be not, the mother of the gentleman, if present, as she should be, or if she be not there, one of the oldest female relations or most distinguished female friend of the bride’s family, now lead the way towards the altar from the vestry.

The friends who have come with the wedding party follow next in succession.

Then come the bridesmaids, each pairing with one of the bridegroomsmen, and taking his left arm, the principal bridesmaid and principal bridegroomsman walk last, to be nearest to the bride and bridegroom.

The bridegroom, having offered his left arm to the bride, conducts her up the centre aisle of the church to the altar. The parties in advance file to the right and left of the altar, leaving the bride and bridegroom in the centre.

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 THE CEREMONY.

THE bridegroom stands at the right hand of the bride. The father stands just behind her, so as to be in readiness to give her hand at the proper moment to the bridegroom. The principal bridesmaid stands on the left of the bride, ready to take off the bride’s glove, which she keeps as a perquisite and prize of her office.

It was ordered by the old rubrics that the woman should have her hand covered when presented by father or friend to the priest for marriage, if she were a widow, one of the many points by which the church distinguished second marriages. A piece of silver and a piece of gold were also laid with the wedding-ring upon the priest’s book (where the cross would be on the cover), in token of dower to the wife.

THE WORDS “I WILL,”

are to be pronounced distinctly and audibly by both parties, such being the all-important part of the ceremony as respects themselves; the public delivery before the priest, by the father, of his daughter to the bridegroom, being an evidence of his assent, the silence which follows the inquiry for “cause or just impediment” testifying that of society in general; and the “I will” being the declaration of the bride and bridegroom that they are voluntary parties to their holy union in marriage.

THE WORDS “HONOUR AND OBEY”

must also be distinctly spoken by the bride. They constitute an essential part of the obligation and contract of matrimony on her part. It may not be amiss to inform our fair readers that on the marriage of our Gracious Sovereign Queen Victoria to H.R.H. Prince Albert, her Majesty carefully and most judiciously emphasised these words, thereby intentionally manifesting that though a Queen in station, yet in her wedded and private life she sought no other right and privilege, and could assert no bolder claim than the humblest village matron in her dominions.

This obedience on the part of the wife, concerning which there is oftentimes much curious questioning amongst ladies old and young, while yet unmarried, is thus finely defined by Jeremy Taylor :-—“It is a voluntary cession that is required; such a cession as must be without coercion and violence on his part, but upon fair inducements and reasonableness in the thing, and out of love and honour on her part. When God commands us to love him, he means we should obey him. “This is love, that ye keep my commandments; and if ye love me,” (says the Lord,) “ keep my commandments.” Now as Christ is to the Church, so is man to the wife; and, therefore, obedience is the best instance of her love ; for it proclaims her submission, her humility, her opinion of his wisdom, his pre-eminence in the family, the right of his privilege, and the injunction imposed by God upon her sex, that although in sorrow she bring forth children, yet with love and choice she should obey. The man’s authority is love, and the woman’s love is obedience. “It is modesty to advance and highly to honour them who have honoured us by making us the companions of their dearest excellencies; for the woman that went before the man in the way of death is commanded to follow him in the way of love ; and that makes the society to be perfect, and the union profitable, and the harmony complete.”

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THE RING.

THE rubric tells us “the man shall give unto the woman a ring, laying the same upon the book with the accustomed duty to the priest and clerk.” This is, however, not now done, it being usual to pay the fees in the vestry; but to insure the presence of the ring, a caution by no means unnecessary, and also in some measure to sanctify it, it is asked for by the clerk previous to the commencement of the ceremony, who advises it to he placed upon the book. We pity the unfortunate bridegroom who at this moment cannot, by at once inserting his left hand (the one farthest from the bride) into the left-hand corner (the one most ready to his finger and thumb) of his right- hand (the right being the only hand he is supposed to have at liberty) waistcoat pocket, pull out the silver-paper enveloped ring. Imagine the not finding it there,—the first surprise, the immediate anxiety, as the right-hand pocket is rummaged,—the blank look, as he follows this by the discovery that his nether garments have no pockets whatsoever, not even a watch-fob, where it may lie perdue in a corner. Amid the suppressed giggle of the bridesmaid, the half-pitying, half-disconcerted look of the bride herself, at such a palpable carelessness and forgetfulness thus publicly proved before all her friends, on the part of her intended, and the hardly repressed disapprobation of the numerous circle around, he fumbles in coat pockets, and turns them inside-out ! No ring ! A further search causes great confusion and sympathy, until we have known it to go so far as the pulling off the bridegroom’s boots! lest the ring may have slipped down into one of them in his judicious efforts to place it in his waistcoat-pocket. In default of the ring, the wedding ring of the mother may be used; the application of the key of the church door is traditionary in this absurd dilemma; and in country churches a straw twisted into a circle has been known to supply the place of the orthodox hoop of gold.

AFTER THE CEREMONY,

the clergyman usually shakes hands with the bride and bridegroom, and the bride’s father and mother, and a general congratulation ensues.

ASSISTANT CLERGYMEN.

THE clergyman of the church is invariably invited to attend, although the ceremony may be, in fact, performed by some friend of the bride or bridegroom. This is called “assisting ;” other clergymen who may attend in addition, as is sometimes the case, are said also to “assist.” But as much ridicule has fallen upon the custom, and the parties who have adopted it, and as the expression is considered an affectation, the fashion for its use has abated, and it is no longer usual to mention the names of any other clergymen than that of the one who performs the ceremony, and the clergyman of the church, who should be present, whether invited or not. It is, indeed, his duty to attend, and he must insist on so doing, inasmuch as the entry of the marriage in the parish register is supposed to be made under his sanction and authority. It should not be forgotten that the presence of an “assistant clergyman” entails the doubling of the fees.

IN CASES OF DIFFERENT RELIGIONS.

WHERE the bride and bridegroom are of different religions, the marriage is usually celebrated in the church of that communion to which the husband belongs ; the second celebration should immediately follow, and upon the same day. It is, however, regarded as more deferential to the bride’s feelings that the first ceremony should be performed in her own communion. There is a notion prevalent, that in the case of a marriage between Roman Catholics and Protestants, the ceremony must necessarily be first performed in a Protestant church. This is erroneous—the position of the marriage, whether first or last, is of no legal consequence, so long as it takes place on the same day.

THE RETURN TO THE VESTRY.

THE bride is led by the bridegroom. The bridesmaids and bridegroomsmen follow, the principals of each taking the lead. Then the father of the bride, followed by the father and mother of the bridegroom, and the rest of the company.

THE REGISTRY OF THE MARRIAGE.

THE husband signs first ; then the bride-wife, for the last time, in her maiden name ; then the father of the bride, and the mother, if present ; then the father and mother of the bridegroom, if present; then the bridesmaids and the bridegroomsmen ; then such of the rest of the company as may desire to be on the record as witnesses. All the names must be signed in full. The certificate of the marriage is handed to the bride, and should be preserved in her own possession, be her rank whatever it may.

THE WEDDING FAVOURS.

MEANW’HILE, outside the church, so soon as the ceremony is completed,—and not before, for it is regarded as unfortunate,——a box of the wedding favours is opened, and every servant in waiting takes care to pin one on the right side of his hat, while the coachmen, in addition, ornament the ears of their horses. Inside the church, the wedding favours are also distributed, and gay, indeed, and animated is the scene, as each bridesmaid pins on to the coat of each bridegroomsman a wedding favour which he returns by pinning one also on her shoulder. Every favour is carefully furnished with two pins for this purpose, and it is amazing to see the flutter, the smiling, and the very usual pricking of fingers, which this not unimportant duty of a wedding-bachelor and lady “in waiting” does occasion.

THE RETURN HOME.

THE bridegroom leads the bride out of the church, and the happy pair return to the house in the first carriage. The father and mother follow in the next. The rest stand not on the order of their going,” but follow in such order as they can best get out.

M12

ETIQUETTE OF THE WEDDING BREAKFAST.

THE bride and bridegroom sit in the centre of the table, in front of the wedding-cake. The clergyman who performed the ceremony takes his place opposite to them. The top and bottom of the table are occupied by the father and mother of the bride. The principal bridesmaid sits to the left of the bride, and the principal bridegroomsman on the left of the bridegroom. It may not be unnecessary to say that it is customary for the ladies to wear their bonnets just as they came from the church. The bridesmaids cut the cake into small pieces, which are not eaten until the health of the bride is proposed. This is done by the principal old friend of the family of the bridegroom. The bridegroom returns thanks for the bride and for himself. The health of her parents is then proposed, and is followed by those of the principal personages present. After about two hours, the principal bridesmaid leads the bride out of the room as quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the party or attract attention. Shortly after -—it may be in ten minutes—the absence of the bride being noticed, the rest of the ladies retire. Then it is that the bridegroom has a few melancholy moments to bid adieu to his bachelor friends, and generally receives some hints on the subject in a short address from a bachelor friend, to which he is expected to respond. He himself now withdraws for a few moments, and returns, having made a slight addition to his toilet, in readiness for travelling.

In some recent fashionable weddings we have noticed that the bride and bridegroom do not attend the wedding breakfast, but after a slight refreshment in a private apartment, take their departure immediately on the wedding tour. But this defalcation, if we may so call it, of the dramatis personœ of the day, though considered to be in good taste, is by no means universally approved, but is the rather regarded as a coxcombical dereliction from the ancient forms of hospitality, which are more due than ever on such an occasion as a marriage.

DEPARTURE FOR THE HONEYMOON.

THE young bride, divested of her bridal attire, and quietly costumed for the journey, now bids farewell to her bridesmaids and lady friends. Some natural tears spring to her gentle eyes as she takes a last look at the home she is now leaving. The servants venture to crowd to her with their humble though heartfelt congratulations ; and, finally, melting, she falls weeping on her mother’s bosom. A short cough is heard, as of someone summoning up resolution. It is her father. He dare not trust his voice; but holds out his hand, gives her one kiss, and then leads her, half turning back, down the stairs and through the hall, to the door, where he delivers her to her husband; who hands her quickly into the carriage, leaps in lightly after her, waves his hand to the party, who appear crowding to the windows, half smiles at the throng about the door, then gives the word, and they are off, and started on the voyage of life!

“Anon they wander by divine converse
Into Elysium.”
Keats’ Endymion.

THE WEDDING CARDS.

The distribution of these is an important duty, which devolves on the bridesmaids, who meet for the purpose at the house of the bride’s father on the day after the wedding. The cards are two—the one having upon it the gentleman’s, and the other the lady’s name. They are furnished by the bridegroom, and printed to his order. They are placed in envelopes, sealed with white sealing-wax or silver wafers, and are all addressed some time before by the bridesmaids. The gentleman gives a list to the bridesmaids of such of his friends as he wishes to introduce to his home. This is a very important point, nor should such a list he made out without very grave consideration.

The lady generally sends cards to all whom she has been in the habit of receiving or visiting while at her father’s house. She also has thus an opportunity of dropping such acquaintanceships as she may not be desirous of continuing in her wedded life.

This point of sending the cards is one requiring great care as well as circumspection, since an omission is an affront that sometimes endures through life. To those parties whose visiting acquaintance is wished to be kept up, on the bride’s card is written “ At home” on such a day.

To send cards without an address is an intimation that the parties are not to call, except when they themselves reside, or the marriage has taken place, at a distance. In fact, the address is to denote the “At home ;” it is better, however, that the words should be put upon the cards.

M6

ETIQUETTE AFTER THE WEDDING

EVENING AT AN INN

THE lady, at the proper period, retires to her apartment, and after having taken sufficient time for her evening toilette, directs the chambermaid to inform her husband that his apartments are ready.

A HINT FOR THE HONEYMOON.

THE honeymoon is often made uncomfortable (hear it, ye shuddering young Cupids !-—-an uncomfortable honeymoon !-——a warm winter and a cold summer are not more antagonistic to the truth of nature) by jealousy on the young husband’s part; for an expression that at another time would not be noticed, now—so carefully does he guard his newly acquired treasure—vexes and frets him, making him give way to potted expressions, which five minutes afterwards he will, by proper management on the lady’s part, be ashamed of and repent. The lady, then, in such an instance, should, instead of being irritated in her turn, or piqued, convince him, by her kind caresses, that she regrets having given him this trifling annoyance. Assuredly by such conduct the little quarrels that do ruffle some honeymoons might be escaped. We warn the lady to avoid the first quarrel, as the little temper shown on her husband’s part is only excess of fondness for herself.

THE DRESS OF THE BRIDE IN THE  HONEYMOON.

SHOULD be characterized by modesty, simplicity, and neatness. The slightest approach to slatternlines in costume, even a careless curl—not to say a visible curl-paper—would be an abomination, and assuredly stand in the future memory of the shuddering husband.

M8

THE “ AT HOME.”

ABOUT a month or five weeks after the ceremony, the bride, in the company of her husband and her bridesmaids, sits “at home,” arrayed in her wedding dress, to receive the visits of those to whom cards have been sent. The bridesmaids assist the company to the wedding-cake and wine, in which each visitor drinks the health of the bride. These reception days are generally two or three in number.

HOW A BRIDE SHOULD RECEIVE HER VISITORS.

THE wedding visitors should be received with equal politeness and cordiality, but with no greater empressement in manner than visitors on an ordinary occasion. The lady should be easy, and perfectly at home. It is unnecessary to say more, as every lady knows how to receive her guests.

RETURNING VISITS.

THE bride and her husband, or, in case he may not be able to attend her, the principal bridesmaid, —the last of whose official duties this is—return all the visits paid to them on their reception days. Those who may have called on the bride without having received cards of her being “ at home,” should not have their visits returned, unless special reason exists to the contrary, such visit being an impolite intrusion.

TERMINATION OF THE WEDDING  CEREMONIES.

THESE return visits having been paid, the happy pair drop their titles of bride and bridegroom, are for a short time styled the “ newly-married couple,” and then all goes on as if they had been married for twenty years.

M14

Posted in Domestic History, Etiquette Through Time, Victorian England - General History | Tagged , | 2 Comments

What’s Your Ride — Carriages in 1828

I’ve been trying to write a Regency story. Unfortunately, I’ve been in Victorian land for so long that I’ve forgotten a great deal of the Regency detail. So I decided to go straight to the source and read The Annotated Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and David M. Shapard. I’m having a blast. One of the resources Mr. Shapard cites is An Essay on Wheel Carriages by T Fuller, published in 1828. I’m a bit of a carriage dunce, so I scurried over to Internet Archive and looked up the book.  It’s quite informative so I decided to excerpt a bit on my blog (so that I might always know where to find it.)

I’ve supplemented Mr. Fuller’s black and white sketches with additional pictures of carriages from Wikipedia,  Ackermann’s The Repository of Arts, Literature, Commerce, Manufactures, Fashions and Politics (Thanks, Sarah Waldock,  for the Ackermann tip),  Carriages & Coaches :Their History & Their Evolutionand, and Modern Carriages.

Enjoy!

The_Gallery_of_Fashion,_August_1794

1794

The Chariot and Coach.

The modern chariot is understood to be on four wheels, the body part covered, and differing from the coach in having one seat only, instead of seats facing each other.

chariot-1809

from Akermann’s The Repository of arts, literature, commerce, manufactures, fashions and politics 1809

In weight both carriages are nearly equal; in fact, many modern chariots are constructed of greater weight than the generality of coaches. Chariots are usually required for two principal purposes ; viz. for town use and for travelling. Those for the former purpose are furnished with a seat in the front for the driver; which seat, in well-finished carriages, is ornamented with a handsome drapery of cloth, trimmed round with fringe, &c. as will be hereafter described, under the name of “hammer-cloth.” Those for the latter purpose have a seat behind, the horses being driven by a postilion: by this arrangement the view from the carriage is unobstructed. By far the greater number of modern chariots are made to combine both these properties.

fig1

No. 1

No. I. is the representation of a modern travelling-chariot with its various appurtenances and accommodations for luggage. The body (by this is meant the covered part, having one seat of sufficient width to contain three persons, a door on each side, folding steps, and glasses to draw up, &c. and is suspended by leather braces, from springs upon each corner of the carriage part), fashion requires this part to be made large, very large in comparison with those which were made some few years since. This increase of size affords so much more interior accommodation, that small seats for the younger branches of a family are not unfrequently placed under the front windows, facing the back seat, and being made to remove at pleasure, does not affect the appearance of the carriage as a town chariot, and affords, in many instances, the accommodation of a coach. Between the front of the body and the splashing fence is carried the bonnet case, marked (c). Upon the roof of the body are two imperials, marked (i i).Upon the front of the carriage part (by this is meant the whole of that part of the vehicle to which the wheels and axles are attached, with the springs before named, upon each corner for supporting the body) is a large boot, marked (b), in which, is received a trunk or boxes, and upon it may be carried the imperial, marked (b i), usually designated “the boot imperial.” The hind part of the carriage supports a seat for two servants, which is constructed upon a boot of a suitable form, usually denominated “the hind rumble,” and is calculated to contain two large boxes or trunks.

By removing from this carriage the bonnet case (c), the imperials (i i) and (b i), and the hind rumble seat, and then attaching upon the front boot a driving seat, and also a pair of standards upon the hind part of the carriage from whence the hind rumble has been removed, and you have the complete town chariot No. 2.

fig2

No. 2

This description of chariot is very heavy, and although it is used for town work with a pair of horses, will require four when loaded with its appendages for travelling.

The front or driving seat is sometimes used also, in which case this chariot affords accommodation for seven persons: viz. three in the body, two upon the driving seat, and two upon the hind seat; and sometimes, as before mentioned, two small seats are introduced to the inside of the body, making in all nine persons; affording, as already observed, the conveniences of a coach with the additional advantage of a very useful article for package, viz. the bonnet case (c), which the form of the body of a coach does not admit.

fig3

No. 3

No. 3. is a different style of chariot; its appearance as a town chariot is sufficient for general purposes, and being somewhat lighter in its construction than No. 2. is more suitable for the country. This chariot also admits of a similar adaptation for travelling, although on a more limited scale. Thus, the driving seat can be removed from the front boot (b) to the hind platform (p), and the imperial upon the roof with the bonnet case in front, as described in No. 1., might be added: such a chariot with these appendages might at all times be drawn with a pair of horses.

The greater part of the better finished carriages for town use are now constructed with springs horizontally fixed upon the axletrees: these are denominated “under spring carriages.” By the action of such springs the carriage part is relieved from the shaking of paved roads, and its durability much increased. A carriage so constructed admits of the boots and seats for servants to be fixed upon the beds of the carriage part, instead of being attached to and swinging upon the same springs as the body. The drawings Nos. 1. and 2. are upon this construction. No. 3. being without this improvement, it will be observed, that the boot in front and the platform behind are attached to iron work branching from the body: the whole is in consequence supported by the same springs, which are required to be made stronger for that purpose.

The coach, as before observed, differs only from the chariot in the form of its body, which is made with seats facing each other. The large modern chariots having almost superseded coaches for the purposes of travelling, excepting with families of large establishment, coaches are now mostly used for town work, for which purpose they are sometimes very expensively finished.

fig4

No. 4

No. 4. is the representation of a town coach: the body is usually built of sufficient size to contain two persons on each seat. The driving seat is supported upon the front beds of the carriage by what are termed “coach-box standards,” and is furnished with a hammer cloth; upon the centre of which is placed the crest, and sometimes the armorial bearings, in embroidery, or chased in silver or yellow metal, to suit the furniture of the carriage. A row of deep fringe is continued round the bottom edge, and occasionally another of less depth upon the top.

Upon the hind beds are the footman’s standards. This appendage is not only ornamental, but is found of great use in places of public resort, as it prevents the poles of other carriages coming too close. These appendages are not confined to the coach; they are applied with equal effect to the town chariot; but as they appear more in character with the former vehicle, we have described them in connection with it. Coaches are sometimes made to contain one person only on each seat: such a carriage is designated a vis-à-vis, and is used only by persons of high fashion and large establishment.

The style of finishing modern carriages has been for some time past with as little external embellishment as possible (those kept expressly for town-work excepted). Fashion seems now to require some additional ornament.

The linings are of superfine cloth, with squabs of morocco leather or silk tabberett, trimmed with handsome laces of silk and worsted, and sometimes entirely of silk: the colours are claret, crimson, and different shades of drab: these are determined partly by the taste of the owner, and partly by the colour of the painting, upon which fashion does not appear to exercise much influence. At present, clarets, pale greens, browns, and yellows appear in almost equal proportions.

postingchariot

Landaus and Landaulets.

Landau_carriage,_1816

1816

The observations already made upon coaches and chariots apply equally to these carriages; the only difference being in the bodies, which are made to throw open. To effect this properly, much skill is required in making the body itself, or the doors will soon be found to open and shut with difficulty. The means employed to remedy this inconvenience affect the grooves in which the glasses slide, and render repair necessary to these parts also: this soon leads to a derangement of the whole.

landau

From Ackermann’s The Repository of arts, literature, commerce, manufactures, fashions and politics in 1809

The use of these carriages has of late much declined, probably in some measure from this circumstance, but chiefly on account of the additional attention required to them, and their increased weight, from the greater proportion of iron work employed in their construction.

See an image of a Landau at the Carriage Museum of America.

landaulet

The Barouch and Barouchel.

fig5

No. 5

The Barouch was introduced from Germany to this country about the year 1802. It was the fashion at that time to build carriages extremely low; and the better to effect this purpose, the front part of the body was arched upwards, as in the drawing No. 5., to admit of the front wheel passing under the body in locking the carriage for the purpose of turning. The barouch has seats inside facing each other, similar to the coach and landau; but with a view to lightness the half head was contrived, which, when put up as in the drawing, covers only the hind seat. These constitute the leading features of the barouch: the most conspicuous is the arching up of the front part, which soon became fashionable, and was applied to other carriages, particularly to landaus, and these carriages when so made were termed barouch landaus.

As higher carriages became fashionable, this arched front part being no longer of use, was gradually abandoned; yet, notwithstanding, the half headed carriage still retains the name of barouch.

The barouchet bears the same affinity to the barouch as the landaulet does to the landau; viz. that of having only one seat in the inside, instead of seats facing each other. No. 6. is the representation of a barouchet.

fig6

No. 6

The barouch and barouchet will accommodate the same number of persons as the landau and landaulet; and being made of much lighter construction, they are on this account greatly to be preferred for summer use and short excursions in fine weather. Indeed, the barouchet is often built so light as to allow of being drawn by one horse. For this purpose the body is usually constructed upon what are termed “nut-cracker” or elliptical springs, similar to No. 7– If due attention be paid in the building, a carriage on this construction may be made sufficiently light to form a very neat and convenient one-horse equipage.

fig7

No. 7

barouche

The Britska.

This carriage is also of continental origin, and was introduced to this country soon after the peace of 1814. The Britska is a carriage peculiarly adapted for travelling, being so well calculated for receiving luggage. The bottom of the body is nearly straight, with a large boot in the front part in continuation: this boot and the spaces under the seats admit of large square boxes, and the form of the body allows of the perch being made nearly straight, and shorter than to other carriages: the steps being placed on the outside, gives room for two ample pockets in the space which they would otherwise occupy if folded into the carriage in the usual way. The head is furnished with glasses in mahogany frames which inclose the whole of the front, and are so contrived as to fold up in a portable form, and fasten to the upper part of the head when not required.

fig8

No. 8

These carriages are constructed either with one seat, like the barouchet, or with seats facing each other, like the barouch, as may be required. No. 8. is the design of one with a back seat only, which is generally made of sufficient width to contain three persons. The folding glasses in front render this seat equally secure from wet as that of a chariot. The front part of the body, as well as the boot in continuation, are usually appropriated to luggage, or will afford sufficient space for those who travel inside to repose at length.

The seat behind contains two servants, with room in the boot part below for additional luggage. Another seat, capable of accommodating one or two persons, is obtainable in the front by affixing the small portable seat (marked P. S.) upon the boot, with the small footboard at the bottom, which, when not required, turns back underneath the body.

These carriages are very convenient for travelling, and a pair of post-horses will generally draw them at a quicker pace than most other carriages, although when loaded the weight might be greater: this arises from an idea of lightness on account of the shortness of the carriage, and the luggage being concealed by the form of the body.

The Phaeton.

fig12

No. 12

High_flyer_phaeton_carriage,_1816

1816

About the time that driving became fashionable, the Phaeton was introduced; and as this appears to be the only four-wheel carriage of any decided character of English origin…we must refer the reader again to Plate 3., and solicit attention to the preposterous situation of the body, which was gradually brought to this extremity with the view of obtaining a better command over four horses. In descending hills, the weight of this body frequently preponderated so much as to raise the hind wheels from the ground, to prevent which it became necessary to place a weight between them. This phaeton was for a considerable time looked upon as a most elegant carriage, and the only one from which four horses could be driven. Indeed, our most gracious sovereign himself, to whose valuable patronage the coachmaking trade are so deeply indebted, used frequently to drive an equipage of this sort.

As driving became more fashionable, more attention was bestowed upon the driving-seats of other carriages, and the compact and then novel form of the mail-coach gave rise to the adoption of carriages upon this principle for driving four horses; and about twenty-five years since, a number of fashionables, termed the “Whip Club,” used to assemble with elegant equipages of this form drawn by four horses in hand.

The author has frequently seen from twenty to thirty assemble in the vicinity of Cavendish Square, and drive off in procession. A more imposing and gratifying sight could not be imagined. From this period phaetons have been looked upon as carriages more suitable for a pair of horses; and they now appear to be brought to perfection, as they seem to want nothing either as to ease or convenience.

fig9

No. 9

The first we shall describe is No. 9., which is certainly the most complete and serviceable phaeton now in use; it is usually denominated the double-seated phaeton, and is generally constructed upon horizontal or mail-coach springs. The advantage of this plan consists, in the weight being supported by each corner, immediately over the bearing of each wheel; and each spring being fixed at its centre, allows the carriage part to be constructed much shorter and lighter, and at the same time with more strength and simplicity than if the body was suspended from upright springs and leather braces.

The body part, containing both seats, is one continuation of light frame-work, cased with pannel board, affording space inside for large boxes and other accommodation. These seats are also so contrived as to admit of being changed from back to front at pleasure, a source of great convenience when a servant is required to drive. It will be observed, that the carriage part of this phaeton is constructed with a perch, consequently the front wheel can only lock to a certain degree; but as gentlemen keeping such equipages are generally proficients in the art of driving, this circumstance becomes a matter of little moment: should it be otherwise, an iron perch can be used, which could be arched upwards to admit of the wheel passing under: this is termed a swan perch, and possesses all the advantage in this respect of the old crane neck carriage, which has been laid aside for some time on account of its weight.

fig10

No. 10

No. 10. is another plan of phaeton: its construction differs considerably from the other, being built without a perch, and possessing all the advantage of a crane-neck carriage without its weight. The greatest proportion of these phaetons are built sufficiently light to allow of being used with one horse, for which purpose the property of locking freely round is of great importance, as one horse will turn more suddenly than can a pair of horses harnessed together; and the event of a sudden and violent turn (if the front wheel has not a free lock) must be to overturn the carriage or break the shafts. The same effect takes place if the horse should back on a hill, as the slightest deviation of the hind wheels from a straight line brings the carriage upon the lock, when, if checked, the same consequence necessarily follows.

A phaeton, if required to carry two persons only, and to be drawn entirely by one horse, can be built equally light as a Stanhope; and by arching upwards the bottom of the body, a higher front wheel may be obtained, thereby rendering the carriage much more suitable for using with the sort of horse generally driven in Stanhopes. No. 11. will give an idea of such a carriage. The form may be varied to suit the pleasure or accommodation of the owner. An additional seat for two persons may be added, when required, to the hind part; or it may be so contrived as to turn back and form a seat.

fig11

No. 11

Some of these carriages are constructed on a smaller scale to go with lesser horses; others have seats behind, which are made to fold into the hind part of the body when not required, similar to No. 10. or 11., and a considerable proportion are made with detached seats in the front to drive from. Some of these cannot properly be termed phaetons; they appear to have more claim to the appellation of barouchets, or perhaps barouch phaeton may be an appropriate name. The word phaeton is ‘certainly meant to imply a carriage to be driven from; that is to say, the body itself should form the seat for the driver, and, when the construction of the carriage and form of the body does not allow of this, the name of phaeton is clearly misapplied.

The additional safety of a carriage upon four wheels over one with two only, is a circumstance of great importance to the timid and infirm; yet many are induced to forego this advantage from an idea of the increased weight and resistance of four wheels in draft. The better to enable the reader to judge how far this opinion is correct, we propose to make some further remarks on these carriages in comparison with those upon two wheels, in the course of which we. shall point out the peculiar advantages of each.

Two Wheel Carriages.

two-wheel

Curricle.

Curricle

1806

The curricle is a carriage so generally known, and at the same time so little in use at present, that a slight description will sufficiently answer our present purpose without any graphic illustration.

The curricle is usually constructed with large springs behind, and lever springs in the front. Like other two wheel carriages, it is necessary that the preponderance of weight should be in the front part: this weight is supported from a bar attached to the horses’ backs, by upright irons fixed in a secure manner upon the saddles: from the centre of this bar is a brace, by which is suspended the pole of the carriage between the horses; the pole is connected to the brace by a long spring, the elasticity of which relieves the rider from the up and down motion communicated to the carriage by the action of the horses. Curricle horses require to be matched with great attention; for unless they step together, the motion of the carriage becomes extremely unpleasant.

Under proper management, the curricle forms a most elegant carriage. If built by an experienced builder, who would not fail to attend particularly to its construction, more especially to the form and hanging of the body, the apportioning of just sufficient weight to the horses’ backs as is necessary to keep the carriage steady, and to tastefully ornament and finish the whole; if to such a carriage be attached a pair of horses not less than 16 hands high, matching in courage and action, with two outriders behind, no style of carriage can equal it. The park loses much of its splendour by the absence of such equipages as these; and this circumstance is the more to be regretted as we find them supplanted in a great measure by the

Cabriolet.

We are indebted to our neighbours for this machine: with them it may be a useful carriage, answering, no doubt, the purposes of individuals of limited means sufficiently well.

The modern cabriolet is large and commodious in the body, which is furnished with a head, and framed knee-flap. Hung with curricle cee springs behind, long under springs in the front, and others horizontally fixed under the shafts, and a platform behind for a servant to stand upon, this carriage is equal in weight with a curricle. That it is convenient cannot be denied; but it has no claim to elegance. The eye is at once offended by the disproportion of the means employed to draw it. Certainly some of the finest horses in Europe are driven in them, and, perhaps, to this circumstance is to be attributed the preference given to these carriages by persons of rank and fortune; as the high price such superior horses command will always prevent the cabriolet becoming too common.

The lighter descriptions of two-wheel carriages were generally comprehended under the names of gigs and one horse chaises, until Mr. Tilbury, of South Street, Grosvenor Square, introduced the carriage which has borne his name.

The Tilbury.

See an image of a Tilbury from Science and Society Picture Library.

The principal advantage of this carriage is its superior adaptation for a large horse. This desirable property chiefly consists in compassing the shafts upwards to the horse’s back, thereby obtaining a short back strap without depressing the hind part of the carriage; and by giving them at the same time a similar direction sideways, the animal has room to move without his sides being chafed by the close contact of the shafts: thus, by this contrivance, a low carriage was rendered completely suitable for a large horse. In addition to this, the body being hung between the shafts by means of springs and leather braces very advantageously arranged, it was found to be a carriage peculiarly adapted for town use; the action of the springs and braces being sufficient to relieve the rider from the concussions arising from the uneven pavements of the London streets. The Tilbury became very general, and for a considerable time scarcely any other two-wheel carriages were used. It is now almost superseded by

The Stanhope.

Stanhope_gig,_c_1815-1830

This carriage possesses the same advantages as the Tilbury, with more convenience for traveiling, the body being formed to receive large boxes or luggage under the seat. This carriage as well as the Tilbury is too well known to require the assistance of drawings, for illustration. Indeed, a two-wheel carriage can be only imperfectly represented by a drawing in elevation. It must be seen round before an idea can be formed: in fact, it should be seen with the horse in it. As much depends upon the form and position of the springs as upon the construction itself. The adjustment of the weight to the horse’s back and the line of draught are principal objects; besides which, there are a variety of minutiae without attention to which the carriage is not complete, and the experienced driver will soon perceive that something is wanting. This carriage and the Tilbury require fine-actioned horses with plenty of bone, about fifteen hands two inches high. With a Stanhope a lower and more compact horse is sometimes used; but, when speaking of a Tilbury horse, the description of animal first mentioned would be understood.

A variety of other two-wheel carriages have been contrived to suit the taste or convenience of the owners; but none have arrived at sufficient notoriety to require any separate notice. Some have been called buggies, others dennets, others having capacity for carrying dogs have been named Dog Carts. The construction of these carriages is various.

The idea of two wheel carriages being unsafe has lately gained much ground in public opinionbut when we consider the extensive use of these carriages, the improper horses so often applied to them, and the unskilful or inexperienced hand which so frequently undertakes to direct them, it is only surprising we do not hear of more accidents.

There is a description of horse much used in the west of England, from fourteen and a half to fifteen hands high, and worth about thirty-five pound. Some of these horses, although they look well from good keep and grooming, are heavy in the shoulder, and not calculated for quick travelling. If a horse of this sort be driven in a Tilbury or Stanhope, in event of a stumble (which is very likely to occur) he must fall; and as the front part of the carriage descends with him, the riders are necessarily thrown out. The fault is then attributed to the carriage, when it more justly appertains to the horse; and if such an animal was driven in a four wheel carriage, the riders would have remained steady during a similar fall, and thus escaping injury, the occurrence would not be called an accident. For horses of this description, it is scarcely necessary to observe, a carriage with four wheels is the most suitable. Hence it becomes evident, before we condemn two wheel carriages as unsafe, or reckon upon the advantage of one with four wheels, we should pay some attention to the horses to be used in drawing them.

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For more information:

The Carriage Museum of America

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Posted in Regency England - General History | Tagged , | 11 Comments

Having a Tea in 1885

I’ve been reading Mrs. Dalloway at the rate of about fifteen pages a day. It’s all I can manage. The book reads like wonderful dark chocolate. It cannot be eaten quickly, but savored, and just a small bit satisfies. Two nights ago I finally reached the chapters of Mrs. Dalloway’s party.  I love how Virginia Woolf used her words and sentence structures to convey the motion and energy of the party. As the reader, you feel that you are in the middle of its whirl. Most of the characters, whom you have come to intimately know, are present. And you are a guest there like the others.

Yesterday afternoon as I was cleaning my desk, I came across some pages I had printed from Etiquette: What To Do, and How To Do It, by Lady Constance Eleanora C. Howard, and published in 1885.  I smiled as I read the pages, thinking of Mrs. Dalloway’s party. Although Lady Constance Howard goes into depth about the etiquette at balls, dinners, luncheons, etc., I opted to excerpt the pages on giving teas because I haven’t posted anything about teas before. I must admit, reading this description was rather stressful. I could never give an “At Home” for I would inadvertently insult all my acquaintances. Good heavens, I might use the wrong invitation format or introduce the wrong people or have my imaginary servants stationed in the wrong rooms. Teas are an etiquette minefield and not for the faint-hearted, casual hostess.

The images are taken from The London and Paris Ladies’ Magazine of Fashion, from 1881

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‘Five-o’clock Tea’ makes an agreeable break between luncheon and dinner, and is welcomed by all, whether ladies who have been riding or walking, or just arrived from a journey, or by keen sportsmen after a day’s
shooting or hunting.

In many country houses it is the custom to have ‘School-room Tea,’ to which all the guests are bidden ; they come, or not, as it pleases them. In some houses, the hostess only receives a few intimate friends in her boudoir, but most generally tea is served in the drawing-room, or library, or hall, when the latter is arranged as a sitting-room—often the case both in London and the country.

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The usual way is to have a low table covered with a pretty cloth embroidered with, say ‘poppies, wheat and cornflowers.’

On this should be placed the teapot, cream, and milk jugs, sugar and slop basins, cups and saucers, each having a teaspoon, and plates.

Another table has plates of brown and white bread, little cakes, scones or muffins, in the winter, and jam, honey or marmalade.

When guests are expected from a journey it is usual to add sandwiches of game or potted meat, and to have a tray with sherry, brandy, and seltzer on another table for those who prefer it to tea.

The hostess would pour out the tea, saying to each guest,—’ Do you take sugar?’ and ‘ Will you take cream or only milk?’

Then she hands the cups to the gentlemen, who, in their turn, hand them to the ladies who are sitting about the room in groups.

Conversation would be general at ‘ five-o’clock teas,’ as the number of guests does not generally admit of ‘tête-à-têtes.’

The gentlemen would hand the cakes, etc., to the ladies in the same way as the tea, saying,— ‘May I give you some cake or muffin?’ at the same time seeing that each lady had a plate. Plates should always be used at five-o’clock tea, just as much as they are at any other meal. There can be no possible reason why they should not be—people cannot put their cake or scone in their saucers, nor on the table, as that would be very vulgar—therefore plates are an imperative necessity; also slop basins, as no one likes the dregs of a previous cup of tea left in their cup if they wish to take a second.

Knives are only used for cutting a cake, not by each person, unless toast is provided, with butter, jam, honey, or marmalade, when they are necessary to spread these condiments.

Serviettes are never used at five-o’clock tea. Hot water to replenish the teapot should be sent up in an urn, a silver or china kettle, or a jug with a silver or plated top; it is sometimes put in a silver jug, but it is not a good plan as the water so soon gets cold in them. The teaspoons should if possible be silver, and sometimes teapot, sugar-basin, cream and milk jug, are in silver, as also the sugar-tongs; where this is too expensive, all china takes its place, in which the service is either all one pattern or else ‘harlequin.’

Scones, muffins, buttered toast should be served in dishes with covers to keep them hot.

Salt should always be sent up, as many people eat it with bread and butter, etc.—a small silver muffineer is best for it.

China or coloured Venetian glass dishes are best for butter, jam, etc.

Some people add mustard, cress and radishes, but this is not generally done.

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The footman would place the tables in their proper places, cover them with the tea-cloths, and then carry in a tray with the various things needful.

The butler would place them on the tables, and then they would both leave the room, as it is not usual for servants to wait upon the guests at these meals; they wait upon each other, which is far less formal and much more agreeable.

Where no men-servants are kept, the parlour-maid would do exactly the same.

‘Five-o’clock tea’ in London is a very different thing. Ladies like it extremely; gentlemen, as a rule, detest it most cordially.

Generally say fifty ladies and five gentlemen is about the average at these assemblages, so that the ladies are all powerful, being in such an overwhelming majority.

The reason is this, ladies like them because at ‘five-o’clock teas ‘ they form new acquaintances, meet their favourite friends, make numerous plans for further meetings, and future interchange of civilities and entertainments; and, although as a rule few gentlemen put in an appearance at ‘five o’clock tea’ in London, considering this form of gathering too insipid; if they do honour it by their presence at rare intervals it is either because they want to meet a particular lady, or as a compliment to a popular hostess, one at whose house it is the correct thing to be seen, and where absence would proclaim that they were not on her list of friends and acquaintances. Yet, ladies are always ready, even in the middle of the rush of the London season, to look in at ‘five o’clock tea’ for twenty minutes or half-an-hour, if they cannot remain longer, in the course of their afternoon drive.

The refreshment of a cup of tea, whether in summer or winter, is at all times an agreeable and welcome one.

Invitations to ‘five-o’clock teas’ are either given verbally, by the intending hostess saying to any friend or acquaintance, lady or gentleman, whom she meets and wishes to invite,—

‘Will you come to me to-morrow, Mrs Green, at five o’clock, and have a cup of tea? You will find a few mutual friends.’

Or else invitations are issued on an ordinary visiting card, not on the cards used for ‘at homes’ or ‘ balls.’ The following is the correct form to use:—

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the word ‘ music’ would be added if any, whether amateur or professional were to be provided, and the letters,’ R. S. V. P.,’ signifying ‘ Reponse s’il vous plait,’ or ‘an answer is requested,’ where one is wished for.

R. S. V. P.’ would be written on the right-hand corner of the invitation card, when such is the case, and where these letters are put, an immediate answer should be forwarded; at the same time it is unusual to require an answer, as it is generally of no consequence how many people avail themselves of such an invitation, or what numbers are conspicuous by their absence.

If, however, any of those invited are aware, when they receive the card, that it is quite certain they cannot accept the invitation, it would only be a mark of courtesy to send excuses at once.

Strict etiquette does not require this civility, but good-breeding and politeness, such as those ought to possess who go into society, would make it a matter of course.

‘Five-o’clock teas  may be classed under three distinct heads, as they are varied in the number of guests invited to them.

Both invitations and replies can be sent by post, or if a lady is out driving it is customary that if she needs an object for her afternoon drive, she should make a list of her proposed guests, and leave at any rate some of the cards herself.

Cards should be left by those who have been present within a week of the tea.

At ceremonious teas, it is usual to give a fortnight’s notice; for smaller ones the invitation should be sent out about a week before; for very small teas, a couple of days’ notice is sufficient.

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Some ladies, for small teas, are at home a given day each week; for instance, all the Tuesdays in May, or all the Fridays in July.

This is a very good plan, as it admits of people choosing the week most convenient to them, so that if one Tuesday does not suit, the next or the one following may do so.

A ceremonious tea consists of from fifty to a hundred and fifty or two hundred guests; when this number have been invited, it is customary to provide some amusement for them, such as vocal or instrumental music, with amateur and professional performers; the music should be as good as possible, though not important enough to be actually a ‘ concert.’

The semi-ceremonious tea numbers forty to a hundred people, then recitations, good amateur talent, vocal or instrumental, is enough to amuse people and take off any formality and shyness. I think the most agreeable teas consist of ten to twenty-five people, who all are more or less acquainted, then general conversation or tête-à-tête chats take the place of music, or any other form of instructing and amusing people, intimate friends, not merely acquaintances, and comparative strangers, forming the majority of these ‘sans gêne’ gatherings.

It would not be etiquette to put ‘ five-o’clock tea’ on the card of invitation; if the hostess invited a guest personally, she would use the words ‘afternoon tea ;’ she would not say,’ Will you come to a kettledrum?’ that expression is obsolete; the correct term for ‘five-o’clock tea’ is ‘At Home,’ except when spoken of in conversation or verbally, then they would be mentioned, and allusion made to them as ‘five o’clock tea,’ just as a reception of a few friends after dinner is always called an ‘At Home’; never should ‘evening party’ be printed or written on the card of invitation; society recognises no such sentence with regard to the invitation to such an entertainment, although in talking to a friend it would be correct to say,—’ I am going to a party at the Duke of B.’s to-night,’ never, ‘I am going to an At Home at H— House.’

Terms correct in conversation would be incorrect, pedantic, and show ignorance in the matter of a written or printed invitation.

The name of the host does not appear on the invitations to ‘At Homes’ or ‘ five-o’clock teas.’ The name of the hostess only, not the united names of the host and hostess, appears upon the cards.

In sending an invitation, the hostess would include the husband of her guest in the invitation as follows :—’ Mr and Mrs de L’Isle ‘ would be written at the right-hand corner of the visitingcard; where it is a father and daughter,—’ Colonel and Miss or the Misses F.’

The sons in a family would receive separate cards of invitation; thus, ‘Lord G.,’ or ‘The Hon. B. Turner;’ and where there is a whole family to be invited, it would be ‘The Duke and Duchess of C, and Lady D. M.,’ or the ‘Ladies M.’

If only a mother and daughter, or daughters, ‘Lady C. and Miss C.,’ or the ‘ Misses C.,’ if the wife of a baronet or knight; if a Marchioness, it would be ‘The Marchioness of W. and Lady C. H.,’ or the ‘Ladies H.;’ a Countess, the correct term is, ‘The Countess of G. and Lady H. R.,’ or ‘Ladies R. ;’ a Viscountess, ‘The Viscountess L. and Honourable Mary B.,’ or ‘Honourable Misses B.;’ the same for a Baroness when she is a Peeress in her own right, such as Baroness Burdett Coutts, Baroness Berners, Baroness Bolsover, etc. ; when such is not the case, it would be ‘Lady F. and Honourable E. V.,’ or ‘Honourable Misses D.,’ unless there were only one daughter, when it would be ‘Honourable Miss D.’

Titles are recognised on invitation cards, but complimentary denominations, such as K.C.B., K.T., etc., are only written on the envelopes in which the cards are sent, not on the cards themselves.

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Cloak-rooms are only necessary at very large formal teas, when the dress of the ladies is more magnificent, and probably a long velvet coat in winter, or a light dolman in summer, is thrown over the wearer’s dress in the carriage, which she is glad to lay aside while having her tea. At small teas it is not necessary, as rooms are less hot and more empty, and the dresses of a more simple description.

The hats, sticks or umbrellas, and overcoats of the gentlemen, at small or large teas, are always left in the hall, when a servant takes charge of them until they leave.

When those who have been invited arrive, they walk straight into the house, without asking is ‘Lady B. at home?’ as they know that such is the case.

Except at large teas, when the names of those present appear in the Morning Post next day, it is not correct for a lady’s servant to give her name to the servant who answers the door, and the house door should be left open until all the guests have arrived, or each person would have to ring the bell. The only time when it is allowable to station a servant on the steps, who rings as each guest arrives, and says, ‘Coming in,’ is in winter, when an open door for so long a time would make the house cold, and be disagreeable to those already assembled.

Red cloth is never put down at any party, whether ball, concert, theatricals, at home, five-o’clock tea, except when Royalty is present.

An awning should always be provided, whether it is an afternoon gathering or an evening party, as a protection against bad weather.

When visitors are ready to leave, they give their names to the servant, who stands by the door in readiness, he passes it to the lady’s footman (if she has one), who departs in search of her carriage, and announces it when it comes up; or when there is no footman, the linkman shouts out the name, and calls it out on the arrival of the carriage.

At ‘teas’ and ‘at homes’ the hostess does not ring for the door to be opened for the guest who is leaving, or for the carriage to be called, but the guests descend into the hall, where the servants of the house call the carriages as they are requested to do so by those present.

Owing to the short time that ladies, as a rule, remain at ‘five-o’clock teas,’ carriages should always be kept ‘waiting ;’ and those invited to the tea remain in the dining-room, taking refreshment, or stand in the hall alone, or chatting to their friends and acquaintances until they hear their carriage announced.

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If a gentleman were present when a lady was waiting for her carriage with whom she was acquainted, he would politely offer her his arm and conduct her down the steps to her carriage; he would assist her to get in, and if he knew her well he would shake hands with her; if he was merely an acquaintance of recent date, he would make her a low bow only, as the carriage drives off, not offering to shake hands unless the lady showed a wish to do so.

Refreshments at ceremonious teas are always served in the dining-room, and a long buffet is placed at one end of the room, behind which stands the lady’s maid, etc., who pour out the cups of tea and coffee, and hand them across the table to those who ask for them, replenishing the cups when necessary.

The lady’s maid is always present on these occasions, as well as the Butler and footman; the Butler sees that the gentlemen have claret cup, wine, etc

The tea and coffee should be in silver urns, and the buffet prettily decorated with the flowers that are in season, fancy biscuits, brown and white bread and butter cut very thin, plum, seed and pound cakes, and macaroons and sponge cakes are placed upon the buffet, while sherry, champagne, and claret cup, lemonade, ices, fruit, potted game, sandwiches, and in the summer, china bowls heaped with strawberries, and dishes of whipt cream, and in the winter ‘maroons glacés’ are all placed upon the centre table.

Plates are always provided—ice plates for the ices, ‘which should be both cream and water with waifers,’ and small plates for fruit, with a place for the pounded sugar.

Tea in the dining-room, whether the party is large or small, is the most convenient; it saves carrying all the necessary paraphernalia upstairs. If the number of guests is very small, it might look unsociable to assemble in the dining-room, as it would leave the hostess alone, she not being able to quit her post until the majority of the guests had arrived.

Therefore, at very small and intimate teas, the refreshments are served in a small boudoir, or ante-room, or where there are two drawing-rooms in the inner one of the two.

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The refreshments are of the same character as at the ceremonious parties, but on a much more pretentious scale; teapots are used instead of urns; fruit and ices are not provided. The hostess pours out the tea and coffee, assisted by her daughter or daughters if she has any, and the gentlemen present hand the cups and the cakes, etc., to the rest of the ladies, and then help themselves to wine, or cup, as they may wish. At teas served in the drawing-room, the lady’s maid and butler are not present. At formal teas, the servants or the maid on the arrival of each guest would inquire if they would take tea or coffee, and if they wish for either, would show them into the dining-room, where the guests would partake of refreshments, and then the servants would usher them into the drawing-room.

It is more courteous to proceed upstairs immediately on arrival, and to take tea or coffee after you have made your bow to your hostess.

The servant precedes the guests up the stairs.

At large teas, the hostess receives her friends at the drawing-room door, or on the landing; she shakes hands with each guest on arrival, whether she is previously acquainted with them or not, or in the case where a friend has asked her for an invitation for some lady or gentleman who is anxious to be present at her party.

She stands just in the doorway, the door remaining open all the time, the contrary being the case at small teas, when the hostess receives her friends within the room, advancing a few steps to meet each new arrival.

Unless a hostess is lame or very old, etiquette requires that she should move about the room among her guests, and see that they have someone to talk to, that they have tea, etc., talking with each person for a few minutes.

Her daughter or daughters would help her in like manner; no hostess would remain seated in one particular seat all the time, unless she was too lame or infirm to move about.

It is etiquette for ladies to move about the rooms at afternoon teas, and speak to their particular friends and acquaintances; there is no necessity for them to remain transfixed to one spot, unless they wish to do so, or the conversation they are engaged in is very absorbing.

Those ladies who are already acquainted would take this opportunity of speaking and making some polite or necessary remarks, but general introductions at ‘five-o’clock teas ‘ are not usual, only occasional ones, where the hostess thinks that two people would value such an introduction when they are likely to appreciate such an acquaintance, where the acquaintance has been desired by the lady, or by both, or some reason of similar importance.

In a formal, or semi-formal manner, the hostess, if she judged it wise to do so, would introduce some of the ladies present to each other, but she would never do so unless she was quite certain beforehand that they would have no objection to the introduction.

Then she would say, with a view to drawing the ladies into conversation, ‘Lady Z., I don’t think you know Lady L.,’ when the ladies would acknowledge the introduction by a bow; or,’ Mrs V. and I were talking about the first night of Romeo and Juliet, are you going to it, Mrs D.?’ In the same way, the hostess, if she saw Mrs D. knew no one of the gentlemen present, she would say, ‘May I introduce Lord N. to you, Mrs D. ?’ at the same moment bringing him with her to the lady she addressed, who would smile and bow. Lord N. would then say, ‘Will you let me get you some tea?’ he would not say ‘May I get you some refreshments?’ that would be very vulgar indeed, and if Mrs D. consented, Lord N. would offer her his right arm, and would conduct her to where the tea was served.

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The hostess would be very particular that the ladies of highest position present were escorted to tea in the intervals between music, singing, conjuring, recitations, or whatever amusements she had provided for their benefit and amusement, and would introduce gentlemen to them, if there was no one by at the moment that they were acquainted with, that they might then show them this politeness of society.

The host, if there is one, would take the ladies of highest rank to tea.

All the gentlemen are expected to be constantly escorting ladies to tea, so they do not remain in the dining-room many minutes, therefore seats as a rule are not provided, as they remain there so very short a time; gentlemen conduct the ladies back to the drawing-room when they have finished their tea, as it would be a great incivility on the part of a gentleman were he to leave the lady alone in the dining-room, or let her find her way upstairs without his escort.

Having found her a seat, he would make her a polite bow, and proceed to escort someone else to tea. Should, however, the lady not wish to return to the drawing-room, the gentleman would remain talking to her until her carriage was announced, when he would escort her to it.

Several ladies would, at the suggestion of the hostess, go to tea together, when the gentlemen were in the minority; their hostess would say a few words of civil excuse for their absence.

Punctuality is not necessary at ‘five-o’clock teas,’ the hour named allowing the guests to come when they like, and leave when it pleases them—some stay a long time, others only a few moments; it entirely depends upon their inclinations and motives for being there. Few, if any, remain the whole three or three hours and a-half specified on the invitation card. Sometimes the latest arrival stay the shortest time; at others, the earliest leave after a few minutes, from five to six being the most popular hours for arriving. People going on to other ‘teas’ in the same afternoon, as often happens, would either come earlier or later than these hours to allow of fulfilling both engagements.

Gentlemen generally stand about the room talking to the ladies at these parties when taking tea or wine, etc.

If a gentleman saw a lady with an empty cup in her hand, he would politely put it down for her, otherwise the lady would place it on any table near to her.

Cream and sugar are handed to each guest by the gentlemen, as a matter of course. It would not be etiquette for the hostess to inquire if her guests take them; ladies would ask for a second cup of tea if they were thirsty, but it would be against etiquette, and look peculiar, if they did not take tea or coffee, and asked for chocolate, milk and soda, cocoa, hot milk, cider, or some beverage not usually served at tea.

If they did not like the refreshment provided, without entering into any explanations they would simply say, ‘No tea ; thank you very much.’

A lady intending to eat ices, cake, bread and butter, fruit or sandwiches, would take off her gloves, but not if she simply had tea or coffee without eating anything.

Etiquette does not make it imperative that guests should take leave of their host and hostess at ‘five-o’clock teas,’ unless it were late, and few people were left, in which case these guests would, as politeness required, make their adieus to their hostess, and if it were their first visit to the house, or the hostess were a recent acquaintance, or happened to be talking to a guest on the landing, standing in the doorway, or coming back to the drawing-room from tea, then etiquette requires that the guest who was leaving should take his leave of her, with a few civil words of thanks.

Except on these occasions it is not usual to do so.

Conversation, when there is ‘music or singing’ at afternoon teas, should be indulged in in a low tone, so as not to disturb or annoy those who are doing their best to amuse the guests, at least guests should try and look as if they were listening to the performance, even if they are not ardent votaries of music.

No gratuities at this or any other entertainment to be given to the servants.

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