Parisian Manners and Fashion in the 1830s

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Today I’m excerpting from The Gentleman and Lady’s Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment: Dedicated to the Youth of Both Sexes by Elizabeth Celnart and translated from the Paris edition in 1833.  The beautiful illustrations are from an 1836 issue of the famous French journal Le Bon Ton, which, oddly enough,  can be found appended to Blackwood’s Lady’s Magazine and Gazette of the Fashionable World, Or, St. James’s Court-register of Belles Lettres, Fine Arts, Music, Drama, Fashions, &c on Google books. Enjoy!

 

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Of Balls

I was going to say, let us begin with private balls; but I recollect that this denomination is no longer fashionable. We do not say, a ball at Madam such a one’s, but an evening party (soirée). Nevertheless, when we wish to give a dance, we give the invitations a week beforehand, that the ladies may have time to prepare articles for their toilet.

If it is to be a simple evening party, in which we may wear a summer walking dress, the mistress of the house gives verbal invitations and does not omit to apprise her friends of this circumstance, or they might appear in unsuitable dresses. If, on the contrary, the soirée is to be in reality a ball, the invitations are written, or what is better, printed, and expressed in the third person.

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A room appropriated for dresses, and furnished with cloak pins to hang up the shawls and other garments of the ladies, is almost indispensable. Domestics should be there also to aid them in taking off and putting on their outside garments.

We are not obliged to go exactly at the appointed hour; it is even fashionable to go an hour later. Married ladies are accompanied by their husbands, unmarried ones, by their mother or by a chaperon. These last ladies place themselves behind the dancers; the master of the house goes before one and another, procures seats for them, and then mingles again among the gentlemen who are standing, and who form groups or walk about the room.

The toilet of all the assembly should be made with great care. A gentleman who should appear in a riding-coat and boots, would pass for a person of bad ton.

When you are sure of a place in the dance, you go up to a lady, and ask her if she will do you the honor to dance with you. If she answers that she is engaged, invite her for the next dance, and take care not to address yourself afterwards to any ladies next to her, for these not being able to refuse you, would feel hurt at being invited after another. Never wait until the signal is given to take a partner, for nothing is more impolite than to invite a lady hastily, and when the dancers are already in their places; it can be allowed only when the set is incomplete.

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A lady cannot refuse the invitation of a gentleman to dance, unless she has already accepted that of another, for she would be guilty of an incivility which might occasion trouble; she would besides seem to show contempt for him whom she refused, and would expose herself to receive an ill compliment from him.

Married or young ladies cannot leave a ball-room or any other party alone. The former should be accompanied by one or two other married ladies, and the latter by their mother, or by a lady to represent her.

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We should avoid talking too much; it would occasion remarks and have a bad appearance to whisper continually in the ear of our partner.

The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance; he should take notice of those who seem to serve as drapery to the walls of the ball-room, or wall-flowers, as the familiar expression is, and should see that they are invited to dance. He must do this wholly unperceived, in order not to wound the self-esteem of the unfortunate ladies.

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Gentlemen whom the master of the house requests to dance with these ladies, should be ready to accede to his wish, and even appear pleased at dancing with a person thus recommended to their notice.

Ladies who dance much, ought to be very careful not to boast before those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, without being perceived, recommend to these less fortunate ladies, gentlemen of their acquaintance.

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In giving the hand for ladies’ chain or any figures, those dancing should wear a smile, and accompany it with a polite inclination of the head, in the manner of a salutation. At the end of the dance, the gentleman re-conducts the lady to her place, bows and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She also curtsies in silence, smiling with a gracious air.

In these assemblies, we ought to conduct ourselves with reserve and politeness towards all present, although they may be unknown to us.

Persons who have no ear for music, that is to say, a false one, ought to refrain from dancing.

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Never hazard taking part in a quadrille unless you know how to dance tolerably. If you are a novice or but little skilled, you would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure. Being once engaged to take part in the dance, if the figures are not familiar, be careful not to advance first. You can in this way govern your steps by those who go before you. Beware also of taking your place in a set of dancers more skillful than yourself.

When an unpractised dancer makes a mistake, we may apprise him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson.

Dance with grace and modesty; neither affect to make a parade of your knowledge; refrain from great leaps and ridiculous jumps which would attract the attention of all towards you.

In a private ball or party, it is proper to show still more reserve, and not to manifest more preference for one lady than another; we should dance with all indiscriminately, but we may, moreover, invite the same lady more than once.

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In public balls, a gentleman offers his partner refreshments, which she very seldom accepts, unless she is much acquainted with him. But in private parties, the persons who receive the company, send round cake and other refreshments, of which each one helps himself as he pleases. Near the end of the evening, in a well regulated ball, it is customary to have a supper, when the gentlemen stand behind the ladies who are seated.

In a soirée without great preparation, we may dispense with a supper, but refreshments are necessary; and not to have them would be the greatest impoliteness.

The waltz is a dance of quite too loose a character, and unmarried ladies should refrain from it in public and private; very young married ladies, however, may be allowed to waltz in private balls, if it is very seldom, and with persons of their acquaintance. It is indispensable for them to acquit themselves with dignity and decency.

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I have spoken of public balls, in contradistinction to private ones, and I might also have mentioned balls by subscription, for, in regard to the public balls of Paris and other large cities, we have nothing to advise our readers but to shun them. As to masked balls, it is an amusement altogether to be condemned, except those of the Opera. Neither should we appear there except in a domino.

We should retire incognito, not to disturb the master and mistress of the house; we should make them during the week, a visit of thanks, at which we may converse of the pleasure of the ball and of the good selection of the company.

Of different Kinds of Visits

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Visits are a very important part of the social relations; they are not merely the simple means of communication established by necessity, since they have at once for their object, duty and pleasure, and they enter into almost all the acts of life.

There are many kinds of visits, but we shall confine ourselves to the principal ones; as for those which only occur under peculiar circumstances, the reader will find them mentioned in the course of this work. The first are the visits on new year’s day; next, visits of friendship and of ceremony: we shall not speak of visits of business; what we have said in speaking of propriety in relation to different professions, will dispense with our entering into new details.

At the return of each new year, custom and duty require us to present ourselves to our relations first; afterwards to our patrons, our friends, and those who have done any kindness for us.

These visits are divided into several classes; those of the evening or afternoon, which are the most polite; of the morning, which are the most friendly and respectful; by cards, and presenting one’s-self, and by cards without presenting one’s-self; visits weekly, which are confined to acquaintances with whom we have not very close relations; monthly, which are less ceremonious, but however partake of coldness: it is at Paris more than any other place, that these visits are permitted; such calls demand much attention to the toilet; they should be as short as possible; a visit of quarter of an hour is long enough, and we should be careful to retire when other persons come in.

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We should appear ridiculous to wish persons a happy new year, in ceremonious visits.

I shall not mention friendly calls, except to remind my readers, that almost all ceremony should be dispensed with. They are made at all hours, without preparation, without dressing; a too brilliant attire would be out of place, and if the engagements of the day carry you in such a costume at the house of a friend, you ought obligingly to make an explanation. Should you not find them at home, do not leave a card; such useless ceremony would astonish your friends. Merely remind the domestics to mention your calling, and do not leave your card, except the servants are absent; then the card should be rolled up, and put in the key-hole. It will be well to call again soon.

With a friend, or relation whom we treat as such, we do not keep an account of our visits. The one who has most leisure, calls upon him who has the least; but this privilege ought not to be abused: it is necessary to make our visits of friendship at suitable times.

On the contrary, a visit of ceremony should never be made without keeping an account of it, and we should even remember the intervals at which they are returned; for it is indispensably necessary to let a similar interval elapse. People in this way give you notice whether they wish to see you often or seldom. There are some persons whom one goes to see once in a month, others once a fortnight, &c.; others, however, less frequently. In order not to omit visits, which are to be made, or to avoid making them from misinformation, when a preceding one has not been returned, persons who have an extensive acquaintance, will do well to keep a little memorandum for this purpose.

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We cannot make ceremonious visits in a becoming manner, if we have any slight indisposition which may for the time affect our appearance, our voice—which may embarrass our thoughts, and render our company fatiguing; such for instance as a swelled face, a cold, a slight headache; in that case it would appear impolite and familiar. On the 62contrary, make visits of friendship under such circumstances, and then you will appear more amiable and zealous.

To take a suitable time, is as indispensable in visiting, as in any thing else.

One can attain this, by remembering the habits of the person he is going to see; by making your arrangements so as not to call at the time of taking meals, in moments of occupation, and when our friends are walking. This time necessarily varies; but as a general rule we must take care not to make ceremonious visits, either before the middle of the day, or after five o’clock. To do otherwise would, on the one hand, look like importunity, by presenting one’s-self too early; and on the other, might interfere with arrangements that had been made for the evening.

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After making one’s toilet with care, visitors should furnish themselves with cards, that is with small pieces of card or pasteboard, upon which their name is printed or well written. Gentlemen ought simply to put their cards in their pocket, but ladies may carry them in a small elegant portfolio, called a card case. This they can hold in their hand, and it will contribute essentially (with an elegant handkerchief of embroidered battise,) to give them an air of good taste.

We shall here make a digression in relation to cards. It was not considered impolite, formerly, to take the cards of a cast off pack, cut them crosswise into three parts, and write one’s name upon them; this, however, is now a subject of ridicule, and is only seen in provincial towns, where they sometimes also substitute for these cards small pieces of thick paper. Next to these cards come those made of thin pasteboard, smooth, gilt-edged, watered, and intended to have the name in writing. These are suitable for young gentlemen and young ladies; and they answer for half ceremonious visits. After these, come lithographic cards, then printed ones, and last those which are engraved. Some cards are figured in a rich manner, presenting every degree of expensive elegance. Every one will choose these according to his taste; but it is well to observe that cards ornamented with borders, and those of the color of the rose, and sky blue, are not suitable for men, nor for ladies of mature years, because they have an air of over-nicety.

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The title is usually placed under the name, and, in large cities, the address, at the bottom of the card and in smaller letters. Mourning cards are surmounted with a black margin, half mourning ones are of a bright gray.

It is bad ton to keep the cards you have received around the frame of a looking glass; such an exposure shows that you wish to make a display of the names of distinguished visitors. At the beginning of a new year, or when from some cause or other which multiplies visitors at your house, (such as a funeral or a marriage,) you are obliged to return these numerous calls, it is not amiss to preserve the cards in a convenient place, and save yourself the trouble of writing a list; but if, during the year, your glass is always seen bristling with smoke-dried cards, it will be attributed without doubt, to an ill-regulated self-esteem. But let us return to our visitors.

If the call is made in a carriage, the servant will ask if the lady you wish to see is at home. If persons call in a hired carriage, or on foot, they go themselves to ask the servants. Servants are considered as soldiers on duty; if they reply that the person has gone out, we should by no means urge the point, even if we were certain it was not the case; and if by chance we should see the person, we should appear not to have noticed it, but leave our card and retire. When the servant informs us that the lady or gentleman is unwell, engaged in business, or dining, we must act in a similar manner.

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We should leave as many cards as there are persons we wish to see in the house; for example, one for the husband, another for his wife, another for the aunt, &c. When admitted, we should lay aside our over-shoes, umbrella, cloak, &c. in the ante-chamber, even ladies should lay aside their cloaks in the houses of distinguished persons. In the provincial towns they commonly keep them on. We then are announced by the servant, if it is the custom of the house, or at least we wait until (without announcing us,) he opens the door of the apartment.

In case of the absence of the servants, you ought not to enter immediately, but knock gently with the finger, and wait until some one opens the door or bids you come in. If he does neither, you open the door slowly and softly: should you find no one, do not go about and open other doors, or pass into an inner room, but retrace your steps immediately, return to the ante-room, and remain until some one comes to give you an introduction. If you are obliged to stay very long, you can leave your card on a piece of furniture or with the porter. This is a case of rare occurrence; but it is well to provide for it, in order not to be taken unawares. When admitted, a gentleman presents himself with his hat in his hand, and advancing towards the lady, salutes her gracefully and respectfully. As soon as he observes the lady is looking for a seat to offer him, he must lose no time in providing one for himself (commonly a chair) this he places towards the door by which he entered, and at some distance from the lady, to whom he should leave the upper part of the room. He ought by no means to sit, except she is seated; and holding his hat upon his knee must not balance himself or sink down in his chair, but preserve an easy, polite and becoming attitude. It would be familiar and bad ton to put down the hat or cane, before the gentleman, and particularly the lady of the house, has invited you to do it. Even then it is proper to refuse, and not to do it until asked two or three times. In putting down the hat, we should not do it carelessly, nor ought we to place it on a couch, for this is impolite. The couch, which in ancient times was regarded as a sanctuary, ought neither to be touched nor approached by a man. It is best to put the hat on a bracket or chandelier stand, &c. The lady of a house does not attempt to take the hats of gentlemen, except she wishes to treat them with familiarity, and this is seldom done in calls of pure ceremony.

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These remarks will apply also to ladies. Within fifteen years past it has be
en their custom to lay aside their hats and shawls; but that supposes an intimacy, which would authorize their abstaining from it at the houses of those with whom they are not much acquainted; and, if they are invited to lay them aside, 67they should refuse. The short time devoted to a ceremonious visit, the necessity of consulting a glass in replacing the head-dress, and of being assisted in putting on the shawl, prevent ladies from accepting the invitation to lay them aside. If they are slightly familiar with the person they are visiting, and wish to be more at ease, they should ask permission, which we should grant them, at the same time rising to assist them in taking off their hat and shawl. An arm-chair, or a piece of furniture at a distant part of the room should receive these articles; they should not be placed upon the couch, without the mistress of the house puts them there. At the house of a person we visit habitually, we can lay them aside without saying a word, and a lady can even adjust her hair and handkerchief, (ficher) before the glass, provided she occupies only a few moments in doing it.

If the person you call upon is preparing to go out, or to sit down at table, you ought, although he asks you to remain, to retire as soon as possible. The person visited so unseasonably, should, on her part, be careful to conceal her knowledge that the other wishes the visit ended quickly. We should always appear delighted to receive a visitor, and should he make a short visit, we must express to him our regret. Ceremonious visits should be short; if the conversation ceases without being again continued by the person you have come to see, if she gets up from her seat under any pretext whatever, custom requires you to make your salutation and withdraw.

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If, before this tacit invitation to retire, other visiters are announced, you should adroitly leave them without saying anything. In case the master of the house, in waiting upon you to the door, should ask you to remain longer, you should briefly reply to him, that an indispensable engagement calls you, and you must entreat him with earnestness not to detain you. You should terminate your visit by briskly shutting the door.

If, on entering the room, you find strangers engaged in conversation, content yourself with the few words which the master or mistress of the house shall address to you; stop only a few moments, make a general salutation, and conduct yourself as in the preceding case. When you have happened to meet the strangers elsewhere, they may unite sometimes with the person you are visiting, to prevent your taking leave; reply in a polite and flattering manner, but still persist in retiring. If while you are present, a letter is brought to the person you are visiting, and she should lay it down without opening it, you must entreat her to read it; she will not do it, and this circumstance will warn you to shorten your visit.

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When you make a half ceremonious call, and the person you are visiting, insists upon your stopping, it is proper to do so, but after a few minutes you should rise to go: if you are urged still further, and are taken by the hands and made to sit down as it were by force, to leave immediately would be impolite, but nevertheless you must, after a short interval, get up a third time, and then certainly retire. If, during your call, a member of the family enters the room, you need not on this account take leave, but content yourself by rising, and saluting the person. If a lady, you must not seat yourself until she sits down; if a gentleman, you can yield to the invitation made you to take your seat, while the other remains standing. If you make a visit with others, there are some points to be observed in relation to your companions. In going up the staircase, it is rigorously the custom to give precedence to those to whom you owe respect, and to yield to such persons the most convenient part of the stairs, which is that next the wall. Above all, do not forget this last caution if you accompany a lady; and a well-bred gentleman, at such a time, should offer his arm. When there are many persons, he should bestow this mark of respect on the oldest. If you meet any one on the staircase, place yourself on the side opposite to the one he occupies. It would be vexatious and out of place to make an everlasting ceremony as to who should be announced first; the preference must be given to ladies; next to them, to age and rank. The time of taking leave should be also determined by ladies, or by aged persons, and those who are of consequence. It would be impolite to wish to retire before they gave the signal. We should add, that it is unsuitable for more than three or four to visit together. Persons of high ton are accompanied even to the ante-room by one or two servants, who receive them again when going out.

To carry children or dogs with one on a visit of ceremony, is altogether vulgar and provincial. Even in half-ceremonious visits, it is necessary to leave one’s dog in the ante-room, as well as the nurse who holds the infant, for this circumstance alone excuses such a suite. As to animals, it is a thousand times better not to have them at all.

We justly reproach inhabitants of the province for lavishing salutations in meeting people, or in taking leave of them. This custom, which may make us contract a reservedness or too much familiarity, is extremely ridiculous. Is it not difficult to keep one’s countenance, when we see a visitor salute every article of furniture, to turn and turn again twenty times as you conduct him, and pour forth at every pause a volley of salutations and adieus? Our readers will beware of this over politeness; they will salute the first time, at the moment they take leave, and again, when the person who conducts them back shall have stopped at the door. We have before said that when we do not find persons at home, or when we are afraid of disturbing them, we leave a card; but this is not what we call particularly visits by card (visites par cartes). In these last visits, it is not our object to see the persons, since we do not ask for them, and we confine ourselves to giving our card to the porter or domestic. This custom, which has been introduced necessarily among persons of very general acquaintance, and especially at times when every one ought to be visited, as on the new-year’s day,—this custom so far is not ridiculous, but it becomes so by the great extent which has been given to it for some time past. This extent consists in making a visit without leaving our apartment; that is to say, merely by sending our card by a domestic, or indeed by means of an agency established for this purpose. The practice of visits by cards, seems to persons of good society the most impertinent and vulgar thing which can be imagined. Do not then permit it, except when the question is about returning visits made in this way; and do not use such retaliations, except to prevent these ill-advised visitors from thinking that you put yourself out to oblige them.

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Getting Presented to Queen Victoria, Paying Social Calls, and Riding Etiquette in the 1870s

Today I am excerpting again from The Ladies’ and Gentlemen’s Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society. Containing Forms of Letters, Invitations, Acceptances and Regrets. With a Copious Index published in 1877. I must be honest with you; I’m not particularly interested in the topics of calling and riding etiquette.  I just wanted to play with fashion from  La Mode Illustrée in 1869.

 

PRESENTATION AT COURT

It is frequently a satisfaction to an American to be presented to the queen during a sojourn in England. It is at least something to talk about when one returns home; and as the queen is really a good woman, worthy of all honor, we, even as a born republican, can find no valid cause for objection.

Those Eligible To Presentation At Court

The nobility, with their wives and daughters, are eligible to presentation at court unless there be some grave moral objection, in which case, as it has ever been the aim of the good and virtuous queen to maintain a high standard of morality within her court, the objectionable parties are rigidly excluded.

The clergy, naval and military officers, physicians and barristers and the squirearchy, with their wives and daughters, have also a right to pay their personal respects to their queen.

Those Not Eligible

Those of more democratic professions, such as solicitors, merchants and mechanics, have not, as a rule, that right, though wealth and connexion have recently proved an open sesame at the gates of St. James.

 

Those Who May Present Others

Any person who has been presented at court may present a friend in his or her turn. A person wishing to be presented must beg the favor from the friend or relative of the highest rank he or she may possess.

 

Preliminaries To Presentation

Any nobleman or gentleman who proposes to be presented to the queen must leave at the lord chamberlain’s office before twelve o’clock, two days before the levee, a card with his name written thereon, and with the name of the nobleman or gentleman by whom he is to be presented. In order to carry out the existing regulation that no presentation can be made at a levee excepting by a person actually attending that levee, it is also necessary that a letter from the nobleman or gentleman who is to make the presentation, stating it to be his intention to be present, should accompany the presentation card above referred to, which will be submitted to the queen for Her Majesty’s approbation. These regulations of the lord chamberlain must be implicitly obeyed.

Directions at what gate to enter and where the carriages are to stop are always printed in the newspapers.

These directions apply with equal force to ladies and to gentlemen.

 

 Presentation Costume

The person to be presented must provide himself or herself with a court costume, which need not be particularly described here, but which for men consists partly of knee-breeches and hose, for women of an ample court train. These costumes are indispensable, and can be hired for the occasion.

The Presentation

It is desirable to be early to escape the crowd. When the lady leaves her carriage, she must leave everything in the shape of a cloak or scarf behind her. Her train must be carefully folded over her left arm as she enters the long gallery of St. James, where she awaits her turn for presentation.

The lady is at length ushered into the presence-chamber, which is entered by two doors. She goes in at the one indicated to her, dropping her train as she passes the threshold, which train is instantly spread out by the wands of the lords-in-waiting. The lady then walks forward toward the sovereign or the person who represents the sovereign. The card on which her name is inscribed is then handed to another lord-in-waiting, who reads the name aloud.

When she arrives just before His or Her Majesty, she should curtsey as low as possible, so as to almost kneel.

 

If the lady presented be a peeress or peer’s daughter, the queen kisses her on her forehead. If only a commoner, then the queen extends her hand to be kissed by the lady presented, who, having done so, rises, curtseys to each of the other members of the royal family present, and then passes on. She must keep her face turned toward the sovereign as she goes to and through the door leading from the presence-chamber. Considerable dexterity is required in managing the train in this backward transit, and it is well to rehearse the scene beforehand.

Rights Of Peers And Peeresses

Peeresses in their own right, as well as peers, may demand a private audience of their sovereign.

 Calls

Calls may be made either in the morning or in the evening.

Morning Calls

Morning calls should not be made earlier than twelve M. nor later than five p. M. From twelve until three are the most fashionable hours.

A morning call should not exceed half an hour in length. From ten to twenty minutes is ordinarily quite long enough. If other visitors come in, the visit should terminate as speedily as possible. Upon leaving bow slightly to the strangers. It is not necessary to introduce visitors to each other at a morning call unless they have indicated their desire to be acquainted.

In making a call be careful to avoid the lunch- or dinner-hour of your friends.

Evening Calls

In many cases it is more convenient for both caller and called upon that the call should be made in the evening. An evening call should never take place later than nine o’clock nor be prolonged after ten, neither should it be more than an hour in length.

 

The Visiting-card

On making a call send up your card by the one who answers your summons at the door, if the person or persons called upon are at home. This is better than trusting your name to a servant, who may possibly mispronounce it. Leave your card at the door if you find no one at home. If there are two or more ladies, for whom the call was intended, a corner of the card should be turned down.

Inscription On Visiting-card

A visiting-card should bear simply the name and address of its owner. If the person has any legitimate title, such as Dr. or Rev. or Capt., it is perfectly proper to prefix it to the name; but if the title is merely an honorary one, such as Prof, or Hon., good taste indicates that it should be omitted.

Receiving A Visitor

A gentleman on receiving a friend meets him at the door and places a chair for him. A lady should rise to meet a gentleman, but need not advance from her seat if she do not choose. She may shake hands with her guest if she feels inclined, or she may merely bow. In receiving a lady she should advance to meet her.

 

Departure Of Visitors

A gentleman on receiving a lady should not only meet her at the door of the drawing-room, but should at the end of her call accompany her to the steps, and even to her carriage. A lady should accompany a lady visitor to the door on leaving unless other guests claim her attention. If her visitor be a gentleman, she may content herself with ringing for the servant to see him to the door.

 

 

General Rules Regarding Calls

In making a formal call a gentleman should retain his hat and gloves in his hand on entering the room. The hat should not be laid upon a table or stand, but kept in the hand, unless it is found necessary from some cause to set it down. In that case deposit it upon the floor. An umbrella should be left in the hall. In an informal evening call the hat, gloves, overcoat and cane may all be left in the hall.

A lady may in making a call bring a stranger, even a gentleman, with her without previous permission. A gentleman should never take that liberty.

No one should prolong a call if the person upon whom the call is made is found dressed ready to go out.

Never look at a watch during a morning visit.

A lady never calls upon a gentlemen except professionally or officially.

A lady should be more richly dressed when calling on her friends than for an ordinary walk.

Never allow young children or pets of any sort to accompany you in a call. They often prove very disagreeable and troublesome.

 

In receiving morning visits it is unnecessary for a lady to lay aside any employment not of an absorbing nature upon which she may happen to be engaged. Embroidery, crocheting or light needlework is perfectly in harmony with the requirements of the hour, and the lady looks much better employed than in perfect idleness.

A lady should pay equal attention to all her guests. The display of unusual deference is alone allowable when distinguished rank or reputation or advanced age justifies it.

A guest should take the seat indicated by the hostess. A gentleman should never seat himself on a sofa beside her, or in a chair in immediate proximity, unless she specially invites him to do so.

The seat of honor in the winter is in the corner by the fireplace, and that seat should be offered to the most distinguished guest. If a single lady occupies the seat and a married lady enters, the former should immediately rise and offer the latter her seat, herself taking another chair.

When a person has once risen to take his leave, he should not be persuaded to prolong his stay.

A caller should take special pains to make his visits opportune. On the other hand, a lady should always receive her callers at whatever hour or day they come if it is possible to do so.

Etiquette Of The Visiting-card

The card plays an important role in visits.

A card should always be sent by the servant who admits you to the hostess who is to receive you, that there may be no mistake in your name.

If you find any one absent from home or engaged, a card may be left in lieu of a visit.

A married lady may leave her husband’s card with her own.

Cards may be sent during the illness of any one, accompanied with verbal inquiries concerning the patient’s health.

In case of visits of condolence, cards may be made to serve the purpose of an actual visit.

So, also, on occasions for congratulation, if circumstances forbid an immediate formal visit, a card should be sent instead.

 

A newly-married couple indicate whom they wish to retain for acquaintances by sending out their cards. The reception of these cards should be acknowledged by an early personal call.

Cards must be left the week following a dinner party, ball or social gathering.

The First To Call

Residents in a place should make the first call upon new comers. This call should be returned within a week.

Calling On Strangers

If there is a stranger visiting at the house of a friend, the acquaintances of the family should be punctilious to call at an early date.

Laying Aside The Bonnet

A lady should never lay aside her bonnet during a formal call even though urged to do so. If the call be a friendly and unceremonious one, she may do so if she thinks proper, though never without an invitation.

If you should call upon a friend and find a party assembled, remain a short time and converse in an unembarrassed manner, and then withdraw, refusing invitations to remain unless they be very pressing and apparently sincere.

Seat Of Honor In A Carriage

In driving the choicest seat is the one facing the horses. Gentlemen should always yield this to the ladies; and if there are but one gentleman and one lady in the carriage, the gentleman must sit down opposite the lady unless she invite him to the seat by her side. The place of honor is on the right hand of the seat facing the horses. This is also the seat of the hostess, and she is never expected to resign it. If she is not driving, it must be offered to the most distinguished lady.

Entering A Carriage.

In entering a carriage one should so enter that the back is toward the seat intended to be occupied, so that there will be no need of turning round. A gentleman must be careful not to trample upon or crush ladies’ dresses.

Assisting Ladies To Alight

A gentleman must first alight from a carriage, even if he has to pass before a lady in so doing. He must then assist the ladies to alights, If there is a servant with the carriage, the latter may hold open the door, but the gentleman must by all means furnish the ladies the required assistance.

 

It is quite an art to descend from a carriage properly. More attention is paid to this matter in England than in America. We are told an anecdote by M. Mercy d’Argenteau illustrative of the importance of this. He says: “The princess of Hesse-Darmstadt, having been desired by the empress of Austria to bring her three daughters to court in order that Her Imperial Majesty might choose one of them for a wife to one of her sons, drove up in her coach to the palace gate. Scarcely had they entered her presence when, before even speaking to them, the empress went up to the second daughter, and taking her by the hand said,

“‘ I choose this young lady.’

“The mother, astonished at the suddenness of her choice, inquired what had actuated her.

“‘I watched the young ladies get out of their carriage,’ said the empress. ‘Your eldest daughter stepped on her dress, and only saved herself from falling by an awkward scramble. The youngest jumped from the coach to the ground without touching the steps. The second, just lifting her dress in front as she descended, so as to show the point of her shoe, calmly stepped from the carriage to the ground, neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but with grace and dignity. She is fit to be an empress. The eldest sister is too awkward, the youngest too wild.”

A gentleman in assisting a lady into a carriage will take care that the skirt of her dress is not allowed to hang outside. It is best to have a carriage-robe to protect it entirely from the mud or dust of the road. He should provide her with her parasol, fan and shawl before he seats himself, and make certain that she is in every way comfortable.

If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before the gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to assist her out; and if she wishes to resume her seat in the carriage, he must again alight to help her to do so.

 

Etiquette Of Riding

The etiquette of riding is very exact and important.

One should not make too prominent an appearance on horseback until one is thoroughly master of the situation. There is an old rhyme which gives the art of riding in one lesson:

“Keep up your head and your heart,

Your hands and your heels keep down;

Press your knees close to your horse’s sides,

And your elbows close to your own.”

Preparations For Riding

A gentleman contemplating a ride with a lady should make certain her horse is a proper one for her use if it is one to which she is not accustomed. He must also see that everything about the saddle and head-gear is in perfect order and secure from accident, and not trust to the careless supervision of grooms or livery-stable men. He is for the time being responsible for her safety.

 

Assisting Ladies To Mount

In riding with a lady it is the gentleman’s duty to assist her to mount. The lady will place herself on the near or left side of the horse, standing as close to him as possible, with her skirt gathered in her left hand, her right hand upon the pommel and her face toward the horse’s head. The gentleman should stand at the horse’s shoulder, facing her, stooping, with his hand held so that she may place her left foot in it. This she does when the foot is lifted as she springs, so as to gently aid her in gaining the saddle. The gentleman must then put her foot in the stirrup and smooth the skirt of her habit . He is then at liberty to mount himself.

How close proximity he keeps to her, and if there are two ladies whether he ride between or on one side of them, must depend upon how skilled the ladies are in riding and how much assistance they require of him.

Pace In Riding

The lady must always decide upon the pace. It is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse to a faster gait than she feels competent to undertake.

If a gentleman riding alone meets a lady walking and desires to speak to her, he must alight to do so.

 

Assisting A Lady To Alight From A Horse

After the ride the gentleman must assist his companion to alight. She must first free her knee from the pommel and be certain that her habit is entirely disengaged. He must then take her left hand in his right and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. He must lower this hand gently and allow her to reach the ground quietly without springing. A lady should not attempt to spring from the saddle.

Courtesies In Riding

A gentleman should offer all the courtesies of the road, yielding the best and shadiest side of the road to the lady or elderly gentleman with whom he is riding. He must open all gates and pay all tolls. He should ride to the right of his companion, unless circumstances temporarily favor the other side.