A few years ago, I wrote a short story about a magical teashop as an excuse to experiment with AI image generation. In the end, the story itself turned out rather well. The images, however… less so.
This holiday season, I’ve written a second magical teashop story and, once again, illustrated it with AI images. This time, though, I’m under no illusions about my talent or luck when it comes to AI image generation.
So please don’t judge the writing quality by the images. They are doing their best.
*I used generative AI to help draft the introduction above, but not the short story itself, aside from light proofreading.
The Teashop On The Longest Night
My black lace-up boots clicked on the pavement, and my long skirts swished around my ankles as I walked by the trendy shops near the university. Vintage clothes, unique gifts, and exotic restaurants. I adored this street, even though I couldn’t afford to live in this area. I dwelled in a crazy house that my friend Kiera and I found while driving through the countryside. A Victorian monstrosity with Hitchcock-meets-Wuthering Heights vibes. Perfection. We divided up the ten bedrooms and two baths between our friend group. Sometimes the lights flicker, and we like to think it’s a ghost.
I inhabited the attic space – I like to call it the garret, as some consumptive, Bohemian artist might live in. It’s cold AF, but the space makes my goth heart bloom. I spend my hours huddled by the round attic window, with my glovelettes on, wrapped in a great shawl, as though I’m one of the Brontë sisters scribbling her stories, when, in fact, I’m coding.
But I miss being in the world. The pulse of the city. The people watching.
I had spent the morning helping decorate the gaming shop where Kiera works for their annual Solstice party. I’m going to be Krampus again this year! It’s become my thing. I had spent all the months leading up to the party designing my latest Krampus iteration. And I had been up for the last two nights, creating my horns and robes. I think this year’s costume is the best yet. I was so excited that I posted endlessly to my Tumblr tribe as I assembled it. Meanwhile, Kiera baked bread, and our roommate, Ian, stomped through the woods behind our beloved Victorian would-be haunted house, searching for a Yule log.
Sadly, such intense solstice preparation cost precious sleep, and I still had to stay up until the new dawn. It was part of the Solstice celebration.
I really wanted to vape.
But I gave up vaping. Going on three weeks and five days. Almost a month! I can do this. I can do this. I’m doing this.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that the urge would pass and … Oh, a teashop!
Distraction works too.
I had seen this place several times before, but I never went inside. But today the neon welcome sign seemed to burn brighter through the foggy, drizzly, perfect day, humming, as if to whisper, Come inside, mortal soul. Rest thy burdens.
I turned the old knob, and my entrance was heralded by the tingle of tiny bells.
Dear Goddess!
Love at first sight. This is absolutely going to be my new favorite place. I had a feeling.
There was stuff from every era crowded into the space, but the overall effect was cozy and nostalgic, not cluttered. Minimalistic midcentury modern chairs blended with bombastic Victorian cabinets stashed with vintage teacups. I adore old teacups. Hence, the lovely teacup tattooed on my left forearm. And Billie Holiday’s voice floated on the air, quietly singing, “April in Paris.”
I was the only customer! I felt like Alicia—my real name—in Teashop Wonderland.
There were some Formica tables—1950s diner vibe. But I chose the rickety wooden table in the corner with a single votive candle. The last customer had left a book by the sugar packets. I picked it up, yelped, and dropped it immediately. Holly’s Home For Holidays. In one magical month, Holly inherits a bed and breakfast, finds a dog, and falls in love.
Just no. I set the book on the neighboring table.
There was a musical tingling sound. I raised my head. This female vision of Betty Page bangs, a shimmery red silk kimono, and impossible heels like towers emerged through a threshold of hanging beads.
“Your look is amazing,” I blurted. “Just stunning.”
She didn’t respond in kind but tugged at her glorious bangs. “You’ll have to excuse me. I’m a little distracted today. My cat—my cat is—there was an accident.” Tears, blackened from eyeliner and mascara, began to drip down her cheeks.
I jumped from my chair and rushed to put my arms around her. “I’m so sorry. How awful.”
She hugged me back. Her body was soft and oddly hot, like a heating blanket.
She sniffed. “I’m sorry,” and withdrew from my arms.
“Oh, no apologies. I would be a basket case if any of my cats were injured. I would just stay curled in a fetal position, sobbing. Yes, I’m dramatic. No apologies.”
“So, you understand.” She tossed her arms around me, hugging me again. “Let me get you some tea. I just blended some. It helps me while I wait to hear. It’s lavender, dark chocolate with something special. A delightful secret.”
“Yes, please. I love delightful secrets!”
She pulled back and looked at me. Her eyes flashed. I had read about flashing eyes in books but had never witnessed it. But her orbs definitely flickered.
She clomped to the back. I sat again and studied my wrist where two of my cats are tattooed. The plan was two cats, but I found three kittens abandoned by a gas station. So five now. I needed to add the new kittens to the tattoo.
She returned, holding a vintage floral tray with a dainty floral teapot and cup. “I’m sorry, I was upset. I’m better now. It’s just my cat is my family.”
“It will be okay,” I said quietly, even though I didn’t know if it would be. But it’s what I like to hear when my world is in scary turmoil. The words soothed.
She set the teapot on the table. “I think you will really like this tea. It has a kind heart. Like you.”
There was a ringing. Like the old-fashioned phone my grandmother had on her wall. “That’s about my cat,” the woman said and rushed to the back.
“May her cat be well,” I said, sending healing thoughts into the universe on this solstice, and took a sip.
Oh, my Goddess!
What lush happiness. I drew another sip. The magnificent stuff seemed to turn the world into a beautiful blur of sound and lights. Like when I was five, and my mother pushed me on the merry-go-round at the park. Around and around. Laughing.
Then blackness.
I opened my eyes, expecting to see a wonderfully crazy teashop. Instead, I was facing a door adorned with a homemade cross-stitched sign that said, “Holly’s Bed and Breakfast. Welcome home!”
Huh?
The doorbell rang—an electric chorus of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” echoed around me. Through the beveled glass, I saw two figures in Santa hats, waving.
I opened the door because it seemed like the thing to do.
“Merry Christmas!” cried two kindly middle-aged people—obviously, a couple—who can be described as wholesome Midwest clad in Lands’ End.
“Um, Happy Solstice,” I responded.
What was going on? Was I dreaming?
Oh, wait! I get it. I was tired, and I didn’t see that it was that kind of tea shop. The delightful secret was THC.
Which is cool. But a warning would have been appreciated.
“Let us put these under the tree for Santa,” the woman beamed, holding up a beautifully wrapped box with an enormous bow. The stuff of Pinterest holiday boards.
“Okay!” I stepped aside and let them enter.
I followed them into a living room, where it looked as though Father Christmas had vomited a holiday wonderland. It was totally Insta-worthy—if Santa’s home was your aesthetic. Santa figurines, pillows, throws, and wall art everywhere.
A miniature village and connecting transit system were housed beneath one of the trees—as there were four with different themes. There was a teddy bear tree, a huge pastel balls tree, an angel tree, and a teacups tree (Okay, that one was not terrible.) And garland. Draping every possible thing. No escaping it.
The couple placed their lovely presents under the tree by the train depot. As they were removing their puffer coats, something seemingly horrible happened: a vape pen fell from one of the pockets. It clattered on the floor. The couple’s mouths dropped in horror.
“Oh, dear,” the woman said. “I wish you hadn’t seen that. Filthy thing!”
“It’s Tobie’s,” the man said, his brows lowered with consternation. “We caught it on him. He’s trying to fit in at school. You know how it is. Joshua promised to talk to him.”
“You know how Tobie just worships Joshua,” the woman waved her hand.
I don’t know Tobie or Joshua, but I’m guessing they were the two boys in the family portrait knitted into the couple’s matching Christmas sweaters under the name “The Johnsons.”
“I’ll – I’ll take the vape pen,” I said and quickly snatched it up, pretending to be appalled.
“You are so talented, sweetie,” Mrs. Johnson said, looking around. “Look at all you’ve done!”
“I did this?” I replied as if I had been falsely accused of murder.
“I can see why our Joshua snapped you right up when you came to this town with your city ways.”
“Me? Joshua?”
“He always fell for the talented cuties,” Mr. Johnson said.
Cutie? Honestly, he didn’t have to be insulting.
“I can’t wait to see how you decorate for the wedding.”
“Wedding?”
At that moment, a door opened and a man, beautiful and yet painfully unattractive at the same time, entered from the back, holding a plate of cookies. He wore khakis, a plaid shirt, and an apron with a blinking red reindeer nose poking out. His chestnut hair was neatly barbered at the neck and swept across his forehead. Those were the unattractive parts. Also, the cookies of Santa’s beard piped with icing were quite appalling. But his eyes–those were stunning—like looking into puddles, seeming infinite reflections of gray, stormy skies.
At his loafers’ heels was a super adorable French bulldog. The dog ran to me, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Aww! I scratched his side as he squirmed in delight. “Aren’t you a sweet baby. Yes, you are! Look at you!”
“I see you left the office early,” Mr. Johnson said.
“It was an easy spay this morning,” he said.
“So, you’re Joshua. And a vet,” I said. “These are your mom and dad.”
He looked at me oddly. “Ummm, yes. We met at my office when you accidentally hit Ernest, here with your rental car,” he gestured to the dog. “Are we playing a Christmas game?”
Never mind that. I had hit a dog! I felt terrible, even if I was tripping, and Ernest was an illusion. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I scratched the dog. He looked up at me with those adorable buggy eyes, very healthy and very smitten.
“Our Joshie is the best vet in town,” the woman said. “The best.” Her eyes widened, and she held up her hand. “Oh, did you see where I posted your engagement picture on the newspaper’s social media? So many comments.”
“Mom!” Joshua blushed. I didn’t realize guys could blush. I thought it was something that required two X chromosomes.
“I couldn’t help it. You two are so adorable. Just the perfect couple.”
She held up her oversized phone. And there was Joshua, his arm around my shoulder, looking at me, entranced. Except it wasn’t me … yet it was, in some Twilight Zone way. Joshua, my Twilight Zone version, and Ernest were posed beneath a decked-out tree, all clad in matching candy-cane sweatshirts—yes, that included Ernest, who was adorable in his.
Then, “Oh, My Goddess!”
I looked down at what I was wearing and then rushed to the mirror above a side table. In between the icicle stickers, I saw tacky prom night meets gaudy Christmas. I was in a glittery red ruffly horror (In the bad sense of horror), and my hair! Gone were my shiny, flowing locks of Dark Academia. I had blonde streaks with those casual curls, only achieved by half an hour with a hot wand. I wore rhinestone Christmas-tree earrings and a necklace of miniature blinking holiday lights.
“This is all a trip. This is all a trip.” I tapped my heels together—they were red like Dorothy’s. So, I thought I would try. Unfortunately, I didn’t beam back to Kansas or the teashop.
When was I going to come down? What if I never came down? What if I had screwed up my brain and I was stuck in this tinsel-ridden hallucination?
“My dear, are you okay?” Mrs. Johnson asked, concerned.
“I need a moment.” I fled, rushing blindly to the front door. Outside, the frigid wind bit my cheeks and batted about the blow-up of Santa’s sleigh and reindeer parked on the lawn. I held the vape pen to my lips.
Did vaping while you were tripping count? Wouldn’t that be like vaping in a dream—it didn’t really happen?
The door quietly opened. I turned to find Joshua approaching, his gorgeous eyes clouded with worry.
I hid the vape pen behind my back. I don’t know why. It seemed in character.
He held up his hands. He had lovely fingers. You could imagine them gently caring for a wounded animal. “I know, perhaps I was rushing things. It’s just… when I saw you, cradling Ernest in your arms. I knew you were right for me.”
I gestured to my person, who was trapped in a red glittery hell-dress accessorized with blinking miniature lights. “This is right for you?” Because if it is, you are so wrong for me.
He looked at me. Really looked at me. His eyes plunged into my soul. “Yes,” he whispered.
I shivered. Not in a scared way—but with dizzying attraction.
Without thinking, I drew a vape.
“Are—are you vaping?” he asked, surprised, and mildly horrified.
“Yeah, I’ve been trying to stop.”
“I can help you.” He rested his hands on my shoulders. “I can support you. You’re not alone.”
“Look, I don’t need support. And I don’t know what is happening. For instance, I usually have tattoos of my cats on my wrist. And a teacup on my arm. And this is way more color than I wear and way fewer earrings and bracelets.”
He tilted his head. “Usually, you wear tiny pearl studs, pink cashmere sweaters, and a thin gold bracelet.”
What?!
I held up a finger. “Ah, okay, I know what’s happening. My soul has been swapped. My friend Kiera is into the occult. And this can happen, she tells me. My soul got put into Small Town Holiday Barbie’s body after drinking the tea. And if I don’t come down from this trip, we’re going to need to do a ceremony with a salt circle or something.”
He studied me. “It’s okay if you’re going through some things. I’m here for you. We’re a team. I love you.” Those eyes, they broke me.
I didn’t care if the nose on his Rudolf apron was blinking. It’s like when I found my cat, Catlister Crawley, wet, matted, and abandoned by a dumpster. When I had looked into his scared gold cat eyes, I saw the beautiful cat inside him. I saw him purring in my lap as we watched all the Conjuring movies at Halloween with a big bowl of buttery popcorn. I saw him sitting by my feet as I sewed my Renaissance Festival costumes.
I knew he was special.
I knew.
I don’t know what happened. I’m usually not into kissing strangers. Even if I am engaged to them. But this wasn’t IRL. So, I leaned in and gently brushed his soft, warm lips. He sighed. There was an enormous, luminous star in the night sky. I swear I saw it before I closed my eyes and melted into his kiss.
And then things were spinning again. Round and round on the merry-go-round, descending into blackness.
I opened my eyes. Before me was the empty teacup.
The laced tea had worn off in the middle of a delicious kiss! I touched my lips as my heart still raced.
No.
By the powers of Hecate.
I needed more tea! I wanted to go back to that kiss. That delicate, trembling, soul-drenching kiss.
The doorbells tingled, and the teashop door opened in a rush of cold air, sending in a splattering of dead leaves.
And there he was. Joshua.
Except he wasn’t. This version wasn’t neatly barbered. His wild and windblown chestnut hair flowed to his shoulders. Even though it was brutally cold outside, he wore only a dark gray sweatshirt with the sleeves pushed up, revealing a tattoo of a French Bulldog. Ernest! That’s Ernest.
He held a cat carrier.
The teashop owner rushed forward in her perilous heels.
“Oh, Shamash! My baby. Is he okay?” She looked at Gothic Joshua with worried eyes.
“He’ll be fine.” Gothic Joshua had a rich, reassuring timbre. “I had to do a few stitches. He’ll need to take antibiotics and wear a donut to keep from bothering the wounds until they heal. It will make him mad, but it’s only for a few days. Just let him rest.”
“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” The tea shop owner grabbed a fluffy blue cat bed from the corner. “Here, let’s put him here. He likes to watch the door.”
Gothic Joshua knelt and gently removed a fluffy black cat from the carrier, still subdued from surgery. “There you go, little buddy,” he said, placing the cat on his bed. He scratched the kitty’s throat. “You are a brave, good boy.”
The teashop owner waved to a table, “Let me get you some tea. I have a very special blend.”
“I’ll just purchase a bag to go, if you don’t mind. I’m going to the Solstice party at …” He trailed off. His eyes—those infinite pools reaching across time and parallel universes—landed on me.
“You,” he whispered. He tapped his chest. “I know you.”
I shivered, feeling as though I were blooming inside—beautiful flower buds popping open beneath my skin.
“I’m Krampus,” I whispered.
The End
I’ve also written two short holiday horror vignettes. They’re not for everyone, but if you like your holidays with a little tingle at the edges, they’re there.
Two enemies pretending to get along—only their hearts forgot the “pretending” part.
Miss Daphne Dearborn has been wishing Lord Brimley to the devil ever since an embarrassing incident involving a clothespress, a scandalous letter, and Brimley himself wearing not a stitch. No need to speak of it. It was years ago. She is no longer that mischievous young lady.
Well… perhaps still a little mischievous.
Because when she learns Brimley will be in Bath during her well-earned holiday with her dearest friend, May Allen, she must act. Knowing that man is lurking about would ruin everything. And what is a little harmless mischief if it keeps him far, far away?
Being an exotically handsome rake, war hero, and single man in possession of an alarmingly good fortune, Brimley is accustomed to women tossing themselves at him. But nothing prepared him for that cracked chit from the clothespress incident suddenly appearing at his table in a coaching inn, proclaiming her undying love and naming their future children. He was icily polite then, but should he see her in Bath, he intends to show her no civility. Whatsoever.
But then…
He discovers that his closest friend, Colonel Louis Fielding, has fallen secretly in love with Miss Allen—just as, to Daphne’s shock, she learns May quietly yearns for the colonel in return.
Dear God! To bring their two hopeless friends together, must Daphne and Brimley do the unspeakable, pretend to get along?
All their holiday aspirations for rest and happiness shatter into chaos, comedy, and confused feelings. (Love. They fall in love. It’s not pretty.)
From the blurb, Pretense may seem like a typical Regency romance—ballrooms, pretty gowns, a rigid social hierarchy, an arrogant rake, and so on.
It is typical … but of another genre entirely.
After years of watching K-dramas, I decided to write one in book form—except set in Regency England, a historical period I’m far more comfortable writing about.
So I borrowed the character arcs, the emotional scaffolding, the initial setup, the secondary couples, the weavings of comedy and drama—all of it—from K-drama storytelling.
I can’t reveal every trope woven into Pretense (spoilers!), but here are a few of the vibes you’ll feel while reading.
The Veteran War Hero
Descendants of the Sun
A decorated soldier with emotional wounds beneath the surface—competent, restrained, and deeply loyal.
The Reluctant Hero
Guardian
Reliable but weary. This hero always saves the day, even if he’s not happy about it.
A Strong Heroine Trying to Make Life Work
Start-Up, Crash Landing On You
The young woman—a blend of determination, kindness, humor, and quiet steel—resolved to pursue her aspirations while juggling the chaos life throws her way.
The Embarrassing First Meeting
Bon Appétit Your Majesty, True Beauty, The Red Sleeve (kinda – they initially meet as children)
The awkward spark, the mutual mortification, and now they must work together. Oh, the tension and fireworks!
The Viable Second Male Lead Fighting for Her Heart
The Greatest Love
Earnest, steadfast, sincere. The man who could have been the right choice—but arrived slightly too late… or simply wasn’t her match.
Hung up on the wrong man
Strong Woman Do Song Soon
The headstrong (and physically strong!) female lead chases the wrong man, unaware of the love right in front of her.
Past Trauma Shaping the Present
What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim, Healer
Flashbacks, memory gaps, fears, family wounds, and childhood burdens shape the way characters move through the world.
Getting Stuck in Pretending
Business Proposal, So I Married the Anti-Fan, Captivating the King
A small lie that snowballs. Characters must keep pretending, complicating everything, including their feelings.
Love as Responsibility
When Life Gives You Tangerines, Extraordinary Attorney Woo
Characters driven by the desire to protect and care for family, even when it strains or redirects their romantic choices.
Friends and Secondary Romances
Business Proposal, Because This Is My First Life, Fight For My Way
Romance in K-dramas rarely stops at the main couple. The secondary couples get their own heartbreaks, moments of growth, and happily-ever-afters.
Quirky Supporting Characters Bring the Joy
Even when the leads are crying or their lives feel hopeless, there is always a quirky character waiting to bring levity. My inspiration: Hotel Del Luna—a cast of quirks, mischief, and unforgettable personalities.
Food. So much wonderful food.
All of them. Truly. It’s ubiquitous.
***
This isn’t an exhaustive list, of course. There are so many wonderful K-dramas I haven’t yet seen. If you’d like to add your favorites, or if you spot other tropes woven into Pretense, please leave a comment. I’d love to hear what resonated with you.
As you know, this blog is a collection of shiny historical objects that catch my eye. So it wouldn’t be a proper post without an excerpt!
Today, we’ll look at historical Korean theater and other pastimes, drawn from Quaint Korea (1895) by Louise Jordan Miln—a source I’ve excerpted before for women’s lifestyles and fashions in Joseon Korea. And as before, I’ve removed as much of the Victorian snobbery as possible to let the history shine through.
Enjoy the excerpt below!
Korean dramatic art, if it is at all akin with the dramatic art of Europe, approaches most nearly the art methods of the high-class music halls, and the best French variety theatres. Every Korean actor is a star, superior to, indifferent to, and independent of scenery.
More often than not, the Korean actor is not only the star, but the entire company. He plays everything—old men, juveniles, low comedians and high tragedians, leading ladies, ingénueux, and rough soubrettes—plays them with little or no change of costume, plays them in quick succession, and wholly without aid of scenery. And very clever, indeed, he is to do it.
***
The Korean actor gives his performance on the bare paper floor of some rich man’s banqueting hall, or at the street corner … The Korean actor has no stage setting, he has no properties, and he never heard of supernumeraries. His theatre—for, after all, I am inclined to withdraw what I said, and to maintain that wherever an artist acts there is a theatre—his theatre consists of a mat beneath his feet, and a mat over his head, and four perpendicular poles separating the two mats. And yet the Korean actor shares very largely the polish, the definiteness of method, and the convincing artisticness of the Japanese actor. (Susanna’s note: the author, an actress, esteems Japanese theater and actors)
Korean acting would now equal, if not excel, the best acting of Japan. As it is, the Korean actor is remarkable for his versatility, for his mastery of his own voice, his mastery of facial expression, and his comprehension of, and his reproducing of, every human emotion.
A Korean actor will often give an uninterrupted performance of some hours length. He will recite page after page of vivid Korean history; he will chant folk-songs; he will repeat old legends and romances, and he will give Punch and Judy-like exhibitions of connubial infelicity and of all the other ills that Korean flesh is heir to. And he will intersperse this dramatic kaleidoscope with orchestral music of his own producing.
Perhaps he has pitched his theatre of mats in the full heat of the noon-day sun, but even so, he only pauses to take big, quick drinks of peppery water, or of a very light, rice wine, in which good-sized lumps of hot ginger float.
If the actor is performing at a feast of some mandarin or other wealthy Korean, he is, of course, paid by an individual employer; and the audience which has, in all probability, been amply dined and amply wined, sit near him, sit at their ease, and in an irregular semicircle.
If the performance is given in the street, it is purely a speculation on the part of the actor. The audience sit about on queer little wooden benches, or squat on mats, or stand. And when the actor knows (and this is something which an actor always does know, the acting-world over) that he has struck the high-water mark of his momentary possible histrionic ability, he pauses abruptly and collects such cash as his audience can or will spare. The result is usually very gratifying to the actor. The audience want to see the play out, and the player won’t play on until he is paid.
A street audience appreciates the play highly, appreciates it none the less, perhaps, because it—the audience—eats and drinks from the first scene until the last. It is an interesting sight to see in front of the temporary temple of a Korean actor a concourse of men with eyes a-stark with pleasure, and faces a-bulge with refreshment, but it is a sight which is not too open to the criticism of the people in whose own theatres ices and coffees and sweetmeats are hawked about between the acts.
It always seems to me that we insult art grossly when we tacitly admit that we cannot sit through a fine dramatic performance without the stimulant of meat or of drink. The Japanese also eat between the acts, but then they have the excuse of sitting through performances that are sometimes twelve hours long.
We lack that excuse in Europe. And though the Koreans munch and sip through the intensest moments of a Korean theatrical exhibition, no dramatic performance in Korea lasts, unless I mistake, for more than three, or at the utmost, four hours.
A Korean actor, to attain to any eminence in his profession, must be able to improvise, and probably in no Eastern country, certainly in no Western country, is the art of improvising carried to so high a degree of perfection as it is in Korea. The Korean actor also approaches somewhat to the Anglo-Saxon clown. He must be quick with cheap witticisms, glib jests, and jokes that would be coarse if they were not above all stupid. He must be ready with topical quips, for the Korean crowd will have its laugh, or it won’t pay. This branch of his trade he is seldom called upon to ply when he performs at private entertainments.
***
It is a favourite pastime both in Japan and Korea to watch trained dancers.
In Korea fights are the occasions of great national joy. In Japan skillful wrestlers and fencers give really artistic exhibitions … but in Korea a fight is a real fight. Blow follows blow; limbs are bruised, dislocated, and broken.
During the first month of the year it is legal, and is the height of Korean good form, to indulge in as many fights as possible. Antagonistic guilds, numbering hundreds of men, face each other at some convenient and appointed spot, and in the sight of thousands of enthusiastic spectators, fight out an entire year’s debt of envy and hatred. Men engage in the roughest of personal combat; men who during the other eleven months of the year scarcely fight upon the gravest provocation.
A considerable fight between two Korean women of the poorest class is not unknown, and some of them fight extremely well. Mothers often devote considerable time training their small sons in the art of defence, and of fisty attack.
Every Korean town, almost every Korean village, has a champion fighter. Prize-fights are to Korea what the race-course is to Europe. The spectators bet until they have nothing left to bet with, and then very often start an amateur fight of their own.
Korean gentlemen do not as a rule fight, nor are they apt to attend a public fight. They often, however, go to very great expense in engaging professionals to give private exhibitions of their prowess.
There is one rather comical side to a Korean fight. Every Korean wears an abundance of big clothing, and the antagonists never dream of disrobing in the least. And so two fighting Koreans, from a little distance, look as much like two fighting feather beds as anything else.
Debt is said to be the cause of nine out of ten of the fights that are not exhibitions of skill. In Korea, as in China, it is a great disgrace not to pay all your debts on, or before the New Year; and any Korean who fails to do so is very apt to find himself involved in a pugilistic reckoning.
Club fights and stone fights are very common. When a stone fight is proposed the friends or admirers of the combatants spend some hours in collecting two mounds of small rough stones. Then the battle begins, and it is a battle. Sometimes it is a duel, and sometimes fifty or even a hundred take an active part in it, pelting each other as rapidly and as roughly as possible.
***
Koreans are the heartiest eaters in the world. So, naturally enough, they sleep profoundly. They seem to be always eating. And nothing short of a royal edict, or a bursting bomb-shell, will interrupt a Korean feast.
Japanese beer is their favorite beverage. And for this let me commend them. For never in Milwaukee, never in Vienna, have I drunk beer so good as that which is made at the Imperial brewery in Tokyo.
Koreans devour incredible quantities of fish; herrings for a first choice. The herrings are caught in December, and are not eaten until March. Water-melons are the fruit most plentiful and most perfect in Korea. They are superb.
***
But the most important, and the most popular of all amusements in Korea is that of eating and drinking. [Drinking] is seldom or never indulged in by women, and even the [Kisaeng] are sobriety itself.
The Koreans drink everything and anything of an intoxicating kind that they can get. They are improving, however, in this respect, of late years. Japanese beer is somewhat displacing the heavier rice liquors, and among the very wealthiest people both claret and champagne are popular. But the Koreans eat as much as ever they did, and no other people extract so much genuine enjoyment from eating.
The Koreans season their food more highly, and use more chillies, more mustard than any other people in Asia. They are very fond of the taro, a smooth, small, sweet potato. They devour sea-weed by the pound, and eat lily-bulbs by the bushel. Here is the mênu of a very elegant Korean dinner:—
Boiled pork with rice wine.
Macaroni soup.
Chicken with millet wine.
Boiled eggs.
Pastry.
Flour.
Sesame and honey pudding.
Dried persimmons and roasted rice with honey.
Both the Koreans and the Chinese, at least those who can afford it, use very much more meat than do the Japanese.
***
The Chinese, the Japanese, and the Koreans are all inveterate picnickers. They are all intensely fond of Nature, and of feasting out of doors.
***
Sleeping is another great national amusement in Korea. I know no other people that seem to take so much positive enjoyment in sleep, and who go at it so deliberately and systematically. They positively regard it as a pastime.
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Kite-flying and top-spinning occupy a good deal of the time of old and young in China, in Korea, and in Japan. Kite fights and top battles are of very frequent occurrence, and are really very pretty to watch.
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The Koreans are very fond of visiting, and of being visited…
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Besides fishing, there are three manly sports in vogue in Korea, and I believe, three only; all others being considered undignified and ungentlemanly. The three are archery, falconry, and hunting. Indeed, I scarcely know if I am right in including hunting in the list. It is so very generally pursued as a business, and not as a pleasure. I believe that a few Koreans do sometimes hunt for sport, and very good sport they usually get. Deer, tigers, leopards, badgers, bears, martens, otters, sables, wolves, and foxes are abundant, and the peninsula is full of feathered life. Pheasants are as plentiful, as beautiful, and as toothsome in Korea as they are in China. And they have wild geese, plover, snipe, varieties of ducks, teal, water hens, turkeys and turkey-bustards, herons, eagles, and cranes; and the woods are full of hares and of foxes.
Archery is considered in Korea the most distinguished of recreations. Every Korean gentleman, from the king down, is, or tries very hard to be, expert at archery. They use a tight, short bow, never over three feet long, and arrows of bamboo. The Koreans are wonderful marksmen, and professional archers are among the most popular of public entertainers.
Falconry is almost as popular as archery, and every nobleman has at least one falcon. The falcon is invariably extensively and gaudily wardrobed, and has usually a personal attendant. Falcon competitions, both public and private, are frequent, and among the nobility are often made the occasion of elaborate entertainments.
The Koreans have a quaint little festival, called “Crossing the Bridges.” Söul abounds in queer little stone bridges. A moonlight night is chosen for the festival. Usually a man and a woman walk to the centre of the bridge, and make a wish for the ensuing year, or pray for good-luck, and search the stars for some augury of prosperity. They have a number of peculiar, picturesque customs in connection with “Crossing the Bridges,” but I fancy that with both men and women it is more an excuse for a night out than anything else.
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But about the sign-posts in Korea. They are quaint, if you like! Each sign-post is shaped like an old-fashioned English coffin, and it is topped by a face…
They all wore the countenance of Chang Sun, a great Korean soldier. Chang Sun lived one thousand, more or less, years ago. His life was devoted to the opening up of his country to the feet of his countrymen. He intersected the hills of Korea with pathways, and to-day he beams upon every Korean wayfarer from every sign-post. Beneath his beaming face you may (if you are learned enough) read his name. Beneath his name you may read to where the road or roads lead; how far the next settlement, or the next rest-house is, and one or two other items that are presumably of general interest to the Korean travelling public.
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There are no inns nor hotels in Korea. But the rest-houses are neither few nor far between. A Korean rest-house is a species of dâk bungalow. It does not fill our jaded European ideas of luxury. But it answers the purpose of the Korean traveller fairly well. He can cook there; he can eat there; he can sleep there; he can buy Japanese beer there. The average Korean is a sensible fellow, and wants nothing more. No, I am wrong; he wants two things more: he wants to compose poetry, and to paint pictures. The Koreans are a nation of poets, and of painters.
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The great majority of Korean books (and they are not surprisingly many), are written and printed in Chinese. … Still, there is considerable poetry written in the Korean tongue (but in the Chinese character almost always), and we may consider the writing of this poetry as one of Korea’s national arts. “Poetry parties” are a popular form of Korean picnics. A number of friends meet at some unusually beautiful spot. They have been preceded by servants carrying writing materials and wine. Very gravely the competitors (for such they are) set to work. They sun and joy themselves in the beauty of the scene, they sip the cup that cheers, but alas! intoxicates too! and when they have enough assimilated the beauty of the scene and the gladness of the wine, then they write verses. The verses take the form of songs, or are ballads in praise of nature. They write of the bamboo, of the stars, of the storm, of moonlight and of sunrise, but never of woman!
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Nature is after all the greatest entertainer of the Koreans; and to study Nature, to watch her, and to fall more and more deeply in love with her, is a Korean’s greatest amusement.
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I hope you enjoyed this post!
Please pick up a copy of Pretense from Amazon or other sellers—and let me know where you spot your favorite K-drama moments woven into the story!
On a different note, I’m stepping back from romance writing for a little while to rest, reset, and let my creativity wander. More to come when it feels right.
And this K-pop song goes out to Daphne, the heroine of Pretense!