Victorian Window Signaling, Hat Flirtations, Love Letters and More

Gentle readers, oh horror! I’ve run out of passages that I want to excerpt from The Mystery of Love, Courtship and Marriage Explained by Henry J Wehman, published in 1890! I adore this book, so I’m feeling a bit sad. *Sniffs and dabs eyes with lacy handkerchief *

Once again, I’m overzealous with images from Cassell’s Family Magazine from 1890. But I don’t care. When I see these illustrations, my inner Susanna child gets excited like she did over the Tasha Tudor illustrations in her Frances Hodgson Burnett books.


Susanna’s note: And, of course, some of Wehman’s passion drenched love letters. How I will miss them!

To Miss Charlotte Vonk.

Dear Charlotte:— My feelings have reached a point which demands expression, and I must tell you something which I hope may not seem to you unwelcome. I have felt for weeks that life meant nothing for me unless you passed through it by my side, as my precious little wife. I love you as ardently as ever a man loved a woman, and all that there is in me of good, whatever powers of mind or body, I will deem it the highest bliss to devote to you. Dear one, you must have felt something of this. When I have touched your hand it has seemed to me that the electric sensation which pervaded my whole being must have affected you. I put the matter to the touch to win or lose, because I can endure this agony of suspense no longer. I pray you by all that is holy in love to think deeply on my words, that I love you from my very soul. Will you make life a heaven for me by saying “Yes?”

Most respectfully yours,

Paul Preston

To Miss Hannah Palmer.

Dear Hannah: — “When there is love in the heart there are rainbows in the eyes.” Dearest, you have thrown a sweet enchantment around me, and I am only happy when near you. By day your worth and beauty haunt me wherever I go, and at night your teasing blue eyes dance thro’ all my dreams— my life, I love you!

“By all the token flowers that tell
What words can never speak so well;
By love’s alternate joy and woe—
Zoe mou sas agapo”

Sweetheart, will you be my wife? I have plenty to make us happy. Our love will draw down the angels! Be my sun by day darling, and my moon by night. My halls are lonely. Eventide is dreary!

“Oh, then is the time when most I miss you,
And I swear by the stars and my soul and say
That I will have you, and hold you, and kiss you,
Though the whole world stand in the way.”

Be the bright angel of my existence, sweet, and I will love you!

“Till the sun grows cold,
And the stars are old,
And the leaves of the Judgement Book unfold!”

I remain, yours truly,

George Atridge

Susanna’s Note: No, no dear Hannah and Charlotte! Don’t accept these men!  I beg you. Not until you have read Wehman’s commandments for husbands and wives. 

 

Husband’s Commandments

  • Thou shalt love no other man but me.
  • Thou shalt not have a daguerreotype or any any other likeness of any man but thy husband.
  • Thou shalt not keep it in secret, and worship it; for I, thy husband, am a jealous husband.
  • Thou shalt not speak thy husband’s name with levity.
  • Remember thy husband’s commandments to keep them sacred.
  • Honor thy husband and obey him, that thou may’st be long in in the home he has given thee.
  • Thou shalt not find fault when thy husband chews and smokes.
  • Thou shalt not scold.
  • Thou shalt not permit thy husband to wear a buttonless shirt, but shall keep his clothing in good repair.
  • Thou shalt not continually gad about, neglecting thy husband and family.
  • Thou shalt not strive to live in the style of thy neighbor unless thy husband is able to support it.
  • Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s fine house, nor his fine furniture, nor his wife’s thousand dollar shawl, nor her fifty dollar handkerchief, nor anything that is thy neighbor’s.
  • Thou shalt not go to Women’s Rights meetings, neither to speak thyself nor to hear others speak.
  • Thou shalt not scold if thy husband stays out till after twelve o’clock at night.
  • Thou shalt not sum up large bills at the stores, which thy husband is unable to foot; for verily he knoweth his means.

Wife’s Commandments

  • Thou shalt have no other woman but me.
  • Thou shalt not have a picture or likeness of any other woman but me ; for I only am thy wife, and a jealous wife.
  • Remember thy wife’s commandments to keep them sacred.
  • Love and cherish thy wife, and no other woman; that you may live lovingly together in the home thou gavest unto her.
  • Thou shalt not find fault when thy wife goes out to spend money, buying fashionable shawls and dresses; for I am thy wife. Thou shalt not scold. Thou shalt not suffer thy wife to wear a thread bare dress, but shall keep her decently clad and in good repair.
  • Thou also shalt furnish buttons and thread to keep thine and thy children’s shirts in order. Fail not.
  • Thou shalt not gad about, from saloon to saloon, after sunset neglecting thy wife and children.
  • Thou shalt not dress thyself in fashion, unless thou dress thy wife also.
  • Thou shalt not go to spiritual or other slight-of-hand meetings, neither to speak thyself, or hear others speak: thus saith thy wife.
  • Thou shalt not find fault if thy wife should fail in getting the meals in due time ; for, knowest thou, O man !— better late than never.
  • Thou shalt not drink beer nor spirits, nor chew, nor smoke-; for knowest thou it consumeth money. Verily, verily I say unto thee: I am mistress of the house thou gavest unto me.

Ouch! History is much more fun in retrospect. And now I must dash off from the house, which my husband gavest me, to gad about to my Women’s Rights meeting where I am speaking.   Dinner will be late, of course, because I will have spent the evening worshiping another man’s daguerreotype and coveting my neighbor’s thousand dollar shawl.




1870s Hodgepodge: His and Hers Dressing Rooms, Bathing, a Bride’s Trousseau, Rules of Victorian Mourning, and Many Fashion Illustrations.

Today, I’m going to be a bit global. I will excerpt from an American book and use ladies’ fashions from France and men’s fashions from England.  That’s the beauty of being a lazy researcher with a blog. Enjoy!

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

From The Ladies’ and Gentlemen’s Etiquette:  A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society, by Eliza Bisbee Duffey, 1874

The Dressing-room.

The first necessity in properly performing the duties of the toilette is to have a regularly-appointed dressing-room. This room, of course, in many instances, is a bedroom as well; but that need in no way interfere with its general arrangements.

The walls should be decorated with a light-colored paper, with window-curtains and furniture covers all in harmony. A few choice prints or water-color drawings may be hung on the walls, and one or two ornaments may occupy a place on the mantel; but it should be borne in mind that the room is to be used exclusively for dressing and the toilette, so that everything interfering with these offices in any way should be studiously avoided.

 

From “Gazette of Fashion, and Cutting-room Companion,” 1870

Lady’s Dressing-room.

The furniture of a lady’s dressing-room should consist of a low dressing-bureau, a washstand, an easy-chair, placed in front of the dressing-bureau, one or two other chairs, a sofa or couch if the space admits, and a large wardrobe if there are insufficient closet conveniences.

On the dressing-bureau should be placed the lady’s dressing-case, her jewel-box, ring-stand, pin-cushion and hairpin-cushion. This latter is very convenient, and is made in the following way: It may be round or square, the sides of wood or card-board, loosely stuffed with fine horsehair and covered with plain knitting, worked in single Berlin wool with fine needles. This cover offers no impediment to the hairpins, which are much better preserved in this way than by being left about in an untidy fashion In addition, there should be a tray with various kinds of combs, frizettes and bottles of perfumes. There should be neither bottles of strong perfumery, such as musk or patchouli, nor hair-dye nor cosmetics, neither pots of hair-oil nor powder-puff nor rouge. A bottle of pure sweet oil, marrow or bear’s grease may be tolerated, to be used on very rare occasions hereafter to be described.

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

The washstand should be furnished with a large bowl and pitcher, soap-tray, small pitcher and tumbler, china tray containing two tooth-brushes and nail-brushes, sponge-basin, holding two sponges (large and small), and a bottle of ammonia.

On the right of the washstand should be the towel-rack, on which should be found one fine and two coarse towels and two more very coarse huckaback or Turkish towels. Beneath the washstand should be placed the foot-bath.

On the wall should be hooks and pegs at convenient distances, from which maybe suspended sacques, dressing-gowns, dresses about to be worn, or any other article of general or immediate use.

From “Gazette of Fashion, and Cutting-room Companion,” 1870

The various articles of a lady’s apparel—dresses, skirts, crinolines, etc.—should be hung neatly away in the closet or wardrobe. The underclothing should be folded and placed in an orderly manner in the drawers of the dressing-bureau. The finer dresses are kept in better order if folded smoothly and laid on shelves instead of being hung up.

Gentleman’s Dressing-room.

From “Gazette of Fashion, and Cutting-room Companion,” 1870

The appointments of a gentleman’s dressing-room are similar in most respects to those of the lady’s dressing-room, the differences being in trifling matters.

A gentleman’s wardrobe need not be so large as a lady’s, but it should be well supplied with drawers to contain pantaloons and vests neatly folded. Indeed, no gentleman who wishes to make a tidy appearance will ever hang up these articles.

The pegs and hooks in a gentleman’s dressing-room are for the convenience of articles of a gentleman’s toilet corresponding with those occupying the same place in the lady’s room.

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

A gentleman’s dressing-bureau should contain the articles used in a gentleman’s toilet — razors, shaving-brush, shaving-soap and a small tin pot for hot water, together with packages of paper, on which to wipe razors. Cheap razors are a mistake, as they soon lose their edge. A good razor requires no strop. It has been suggested as an excellent plan to have a case of seven razors — one for each day in the week—so that they are all equally used.

A boot-stand, on which all the boots and shoes should be arranged in regular order, with bootjacks and boot-hooks, is a necessary adjunct to the gentleman’s dressing-room.

A couple of hair gloves, with a flesh-brush, may be added to the toilet appurtenances.

From “Gazette of Fashion, and Cutting-room Companion,” 1870

The Bath.

In most of our city houses there is a separate bath-room with hot and cold water, but country houses have not always this convenience. A substitute for the bath-room is a large piece of oilcloth, which can be laid upon the floor of the ordinary dressing-room. Upon this may be placed the bath-tub or basin.

There are various kinds of baths, both hot and cold—the shower-bath, the douche, the hip-bath and the sponge-bath.

Only the most vigorous constitutions can endure the shower-bath, therefore it cannot be recommended for indiscriminate use.

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

A douche or hip-bath may be taken every morning, winter and summer, with the temperature of the water suited to the endurance of the individual. In summer a second or sponge-bath may be taken on retiring.

We do not bathe to make ourselves clean, but to keep clean, and for the sake of its health-giving and invigorating effects. Once a week a warm bath, at about 100° may be used, with plenty of soap, in order to thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin.

After these baths the rough towels should be vigorously used, not only to help remove the impurities of the skin, but for the beneficial friction which will send a glow over the whole body. The hair glove or flesh-brush may be used to advantage in the bath before the towel is applied.

 

From “Gazette of Fashion, and Cutting-room Companion,” 1870

Before stepping into the bath the head should be wet with cold water, and in the bath the pit of the stomach should first be sponged.

There is no danger to most people from taking a bath in a state of ordinary perspiration. But one should by all means avoid it if he is overheated or fatigued.

The Air-bath.

Next in importance to the water-bath is the airbath. Nothing is so conducive to health as an exposure of the body to air and sun. A French physician has recommended the sun-bath as a desirable hygienic practice. It is well, therefore, to remain without clothing for some little time after bathing, performing such duties of the toilet as can be done in that condition.

 

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

The Trousseau.

The trousseau may be as large and expensive as the circumstances of the bride will justify, but this expense is mainly put upon outside garments. There are certain requisite articles which must be supplied in a requisite number, and these all brides must have, and of a certain similarity in general character and make. They may be set down as follows:

Twelve chemises, six elaborately trimmed and six more plainly made.

Twelve pairs of drawers, made in sets with the chemises, and matching them in trimming.

Six fine and six plain night-dresses.

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

Six corset-covers, three finely finished.

Four pairs of corsets, one pair white embroidered, two plain white and one pair colored, the latter to be used in traveling.

One dozen pair of fine thread hose, one dozen of heavy cotton and one dozen of fine merino hose are none too many.

Six trimmed skirts and six plain ones.

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

Two balmoral skirts, one handsome and the other plain.

Six flannel skirts, three of them handsomely embroidered.

Four white dressing-sacques, two. of them of flannel.

Two loose wrappers of chintz or cashmere.

Six sets of linen collars and cuffs for morning wear.

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

Six sets of lace or embroidered collars and cuffs.

One dozen plain handkerchiefs, one dozen fine handkerchiefs and six embroidered or lace trimmed.

Walking-boots, gaiters and slippers of various styles.

Two pairs of white kid gloves, two of light and two of dark tints, with others of thread and cloth.

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

Of dresses there are required—morning-dresses, walking-suits, carriage-dresses, evening-dresses, one traveling-dress, one waterproof suit, one very handsome suit to return bridal calls, and last but not least the bridal-dress, which has already been referred to. These dresses may be multiplied in number according to the means and needs of the bride.

 

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

MOURNING.

[Susanna’s note: Sorry, but I don’t have illustrations of mourning dress. Bad Researcher! Bad Researcher!]

MANY sensible people have resolved to abjure mourning garments altogether; nevertheless, as there are a still larger number who adopt it in a greater or less degree when they are bereaved of their friends, it may be well to recount the established rules in regard to it.

Deep Mourning.

Deep mourning requires the heaviest black of serge, bombazine, lustreless alpaca, de laine, merino or similar heavy clinging material, with collar and cuffs of crape. A widow wears a bonnet-cap of white tarletan, known as the “widow’s cap.”

Mourning garments are made in the severest simplicity. They should have little or no trimming; no flounces, ruffles or bows are allowable. If the dress is not made en suite, then a long or square shawl of barege or cashmere with crape border is worn.

The bonnet is of black crape; a hat is inadmissible. The veil is of crape or berege with heavy border. Black gloves and black-bordered handkerchief.

In winter dark furs may be worn with the deepest mourning. Jewelry is strictly forbidden, and all pins, buckles, etc., must be of jet.

From “Gazette of Fashion, and Cutting-room Companion,” 1870

Second Mourning.

Lustreless alpaca may be worn in second mourning, with white collar and cuffs. The crape veil is laid aside for net or tulle, but the jet jewelry is still retained.

Lesser Degrees Of Mourning.

A still less degree of mourning is indicated by black and white, purple and gray, or a combination of these colors. Crape is still retained in bonnet trimming, and crape flowers may be added.

Light gray, white and black, and light shades of lilac indicate a slight mourning. Black lace bonnet with white or violet flowers supersedes crape, and jet and gold jewelry is worn.

It is poor economy to buy cheap and flimsy materials for mourning. Only the best black goods wear well without becoming rusty and shabby. Foulards make serviceable half-mourning dresses, either as wrappers or walking-suits.

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

The following are the rules laid down by authority competent to speak on these matters regarding the proper degree of mourning and length of time it should be worn:

“The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for her husband. It is worn for two years, sometimes longer. Widow’s mourning for the first year consists of solid black woolen goods, collar and cuffs of folded, untrimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet and a long, thick, black crape veil. The second year, silk trimmed with crape, black lace collar and cuffs, and a shorter veil may be worn, and in the last six months gray, violet and white are permitted. A widow should wear the hair perfectly plain if she does not wear a cap, and should always wear a bonnet, never a hat.

“The mourning for a father or mother is worn for one year. The first six months the proper dress is of solid black woolen goods trimmed with crape, black crape bonnet with black crape facings and black strings, black crape veil, collar and cuffs of black crape. Three months, black silk with crape trimming, white or black lace collar and cuffs, veil of tulle and white bonnet-facings; and the last three months in gray, purple and violet.

From “Gazette of Fashion, and Cutting-room Companion,” 1870

“Mourning worn for a child is the same as that worn for a parent.

“Mourning for a grandparent is worn for six months: three months, black woolen goods, white collar and cuffs, short crape veil and bonnet of crape trimmed with black silk or ribbon; six weeks in black silk trimmed with crape, lace collar and cuffs, short tulle veil; and six weeks in gray, purple, white and violet .

“Mourning worn for a friend who leaves you an inheritance is the same as that worn for a grandparent.

Mourning for a brother or sister is worn six months: two months in solid black trimmed with crape, white linen collar and cuffs, bonnet of black with white facing and black strings; two months in black silk, with white lace collar and cuffs; and two months in gray, purple, white and violet.

“Mourning for an uncle or aunt is worn for three months, and is the second mourning named above, tulle, white linen and white bonnet-facings being worn at once. For a nephew or niece, the same is worn for the same length of time.

“The deepest mourning excludes kid gloves; they should be of cloth, silk or thread; and no jewelry is permitted during the first month of close mourning. Embroidery, jet trimmings, puffs, plaits—in fact, trimming of any kind—is forbidden in deep mourning, but worn when it is lightened.

“Mourning handkerchiefs should be of very sheer fine linen, with a border of black, very wide for close mourning, narrower as the black is lightened.

From “Gazette of Fashion, and Cutting-room Companion,” 1870

“Mourning silks should be perfectly lustreless, and the ribbons worn without any gloss.

“Ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should always wear a black dress, even if they are not in mourning; and it is bad taste to appear with a gay bonnet or shawl, as if for a festive occasion.

“The mourning for children under twelve years of age is white in summer and gray in winter, with black trimmings, belt, sleeve-ruffles and bonnet ribbons.”

From “Gazette of Fashion, and Cutting-room Companion,” 1870

 

From “Les Modes Parisiennes,” 1870

That’s all until next time!

March 29, 2012 – I’m appending a sad painting of a widow created by Edward Killingworth Johnson in 1877